#like fuck america is a shit show and i hate it here

[wwandaslover]

STRANGERS | W.M

Pairing: Wanda Maximoff x F! Reader

Warnings: A bit angsty, swearing, fighting, short little fic bc I’ve been gone too long

Summary: Wanda’s trying to get her boys back and Doctor Strange comes to you for help, trying to get you to kill your ex wife. Wanda’s not happy that you’re in the way.

You had been living your life as peacefully as you could ever since Thanos. You quit using magic, you moved across the country to Oregon. It was lonely.. but it was calm. You appreciated no longer having to put yourself under such immense stress, no longer fighting people and aliens, no longer worrying about stupid diets, no longer constantly feeling like you were going to die. It was amazing to be alone despite how boring it was.

You had heard about Westview from the news not long after moving to Oregon, and though it worried you to hear that Wanda was getting to such a horrible point, you couldn’t get involved and part of you didn’t want to. You and Wanda did not end on good terms, Wanda broke your heart. You were staying out of all of that shit, you were finally getting your well deserved lull.

It grew harder to not try and help Wanda the more you heard about her, you were constantly worrying about her wellbeing. Then to your luck, Doctor Strange showed up at your doorstep asking for help and disrupting your peace, telling you he had gone to Wanda and found out she’d been corrupted by the Darkhold, trying to kill America Chavez to go to her sons in another universe. It took him very little time to convince you to help.

He needed your help since you were one of the most powerful magic wielders, yet still not anywhere near Wanda’s level. Despite being stronger than you, Wanda couldn’t absorb your magic when used on her or it could kill her, you were a Green Witch. You wielded earthly magic while Wanda wielded chaos magic, and Strange wanted you to trick her into trying to absorb your magic.

You refused to kill the woman you had loved so dearly, instead you promised to help her. You wanted her to be happy and no longer hurt so much, despite how much you hated her for what she did to you.

+

Standing at Kamar Taj, seeing the dead bodies of sorcerers lying on the ground after Wanda used her magic to kill them all, seeing her walk over them like nothing.. it hurt you to see her now a shell of the woman she once was. Wanda stared at you with an icy glare as she stepped closer, annoyed that you were blocking her path to America.

Wanda laughed dryly “Of course, you’re the one they bring to stop me.”

You took a deep breath, swallowing thickly. Part of you wanted to hug her and the other wanted to punch her as hard as possible. You spoke calmly, “Wanda, I’m here to help you end this madness. I don’t want to fight you.”

Wanda hummed “I’m sure you don’t. You’d rather not die, I’m sure.”

You scoffed softly “I doubt you want to either.”

Wanda sighed in annoyance “You’re right, what I want is my sons. Now get out of my way.” She began stepping closer and you used your powers to push her back.

Wanda snarled and threw blasts of energy at you which you managed to dodge by a hair. Wanda lunged at you and grabbed you by the throat, squeezing your airways shut. You gasped and coughed, gripping her wrist, your eyes wide and full of shock. You kicked her harshly and Wanda instinctively let go.

Wanda stumbled back and shouted at you, “You little bitch, get out of my way!”

You coughed into your arm, glaring at her. Once your throat hurt a little less you shouted back, your voice slightly hoarse “Fuck you! You’re the one acting like a bitch!”

Wanda scoffed “You sound like a petulant child.”

You rolled your eyes at that, annoyed by Wanda’s comments “I have no idea how I put up with you for half a decade.”

Wanda raised a brow “You never complained about me when we were together, so I must’ve been alright.” Wanda pushed you aside and began walking inside the temple.

You caught her wrist and tried to pull her back but it didn’t quite work how you wanted it to, instead she simply dragged you along with her. After a few seconds Wanda looked back at you in annoyance. “Wh- are you seriously not going to let go of me? You know I’m just going to keep dragging you with me.”

You shrugged and tightened your grip on her wrist, trying to plant your feet on the ground but they simply slid over the stones as she dragged you. You got irritated by how your efforts fell flat, so you opted for tackling her. The two of you fell together and Wanda shouted, looking up at you “What the fuck is wrong with you?!”

You couldn’t help but laugh as you held her down and Wanda was distraught by the sweet sound. It had been a long time since you laughed like that around her. Wanda swallowed thickly and tried to speak angrily, but sounded more nervous than anything, “Quit laughing! What’s so funny?”

You shook your head, still laughing softly at the situation. “This is all so stupid..”

Wanda’s jaw clenched and she quickly became angry again, mad that you had called it all stupid when she was struggling “I’m trying to get my sons back, how is that stupid?”

You furrowed your eyebrows, your laughter dying out. “I’m not saying that you losing your kids is stupid, I’m saying us fighting is stupid. I also think you’re stupid for believing this’ll work, for believing those boys would just accept you as their mother when they already have one. I mean seriously, you can’t truly believe that they’ll immediately love you, or ever love you for that matter. This won’t go your way.”

Wanda roughly pushed you off and stood up, glaring down at you “Stay out of my way. I don’t want to hurt you.” She began walking away but you used your powers to throw her back to the ground, walking over to her.

“You are not killing that innocent girl! You have no right! She’s just a child, she doesn’t deserve to die, or to go through any of this! Think of how terrified she is!” You yelled at her, angered by her lack of humanity and remorse.

“I need my boys, you don’t understand! You aren’t going to stop me!” Wanda sat up and yelled back, her eyes tearing up. She didn’t want to kill anyone, or hurt anyone.. she just needed her boys.

You stared down at her, wide eyed and in disbelief of how she was acting. “Wanda, you can still have a family in this universe!”

Wanda scoffed and stood up, stepping closer to you “And how on earth would I do that? I lost Vision, I lost my boys, I lost everything!”

Your heart ached when Wanda brought up Vision but not you. You were her first love, and apparently the least important. You ignored your own feelings and spoke, “There’s still someone out there in the world for you, somebody you can love and have a family with.”

Wanda shook her head, wiping away her tears away with a scoff. “I don’t want anybody else, I don’t want other children. I can’t just replace Vision and my boys.”

God, you wanted to strangle her for acting like this. You wanted to be understanding, but she was making it so much harder than it needed to be.

You snapped at her “I’m trying to help you find happiness somewhere in this universe instead of giving up on a life here and ruining a different version of yourself’s life, so quit acting like a fucking idiot!”

Wanda stared at you with widened eyes, surprised that you had actually gotten angry at her. You were usually not the type to get mad, but when you did it was always hard to ignore.

Wanda muttered “Calm down, there’s no need to get so-“

You cut her off by yelling at her “You’re so goddamn selfish! You are condescending, controlling, possessive, overly protective, you are so infuriating and yet here I am trying to help you all because I care about you, and I still love you, but I also fucking hate you at the same time!”

Wanda sputtered slightly, her eyes still wide. Her expression was a mix of concern and shock, concerned because you were so upset, and shocked by what you had just said. You still loved her after four years of being apart.

“Are you serious?” Wanda scoffed. It had been years, you had to be over her. She didn’t want you to keep loving her, especially not after what she had done both to you and other people. She wasn’t a good person and you were.

You scoffed back, mocking her “Yes, obviously, I’m being serious. Can you quit being such a dick now?”

Wanda hated that you were still in love with her, she wanted you to move on and she wanted to move on as well. No matter how much she loved Vision he couldn’t fill the hole in her heart from leaving you. She didn’t feel worthy of your love, or your help, not after what she did. How she left you so heartbroken and then she just went and got together with Vision. She felt horrible for what she had done to you back then, and she felt horrible for leaving you again now, knowing she should immediately go back to you and mend your broken relationship, she could experience happiness for the first time in months, but she wouldn’t.

Wanda thought for a moment and decided to just ignore the whole situation, turning away and continuing to walk. “I’m going to get my boys back.” she muttered.

You watched her with now tearful eyes, your jaw clenched and your breathing turning shaky. You were done trying to help her. You shouted after her, “I’m going to finish this whether you come out dead or alive, Wanda!”

Wanda’s heart hurt from your words, but she kept walking. She still felt great love for you, but she needed Tommy and Billy. She needed them more than she needed anything else, even you. You knew that, and watching her disappear into the temple made your heart squeeze in your chest, you knew you had lost her but you weren’t going to give up on saving America from Wanda.

a decent amount of people have asked for part two and I kinda have an idea for part two, soo, go to my requests and ask to be put on the tag list, or ask in the comments.

[shapelytimber]

Wanted to paint some of my favorite characters, nothing more nothing less

[COMMISSIONS]

Way too much yapping like an embarrassing amount, the individual portraits and the template I used below vvv

I shouldn't be allowed to talk about my favorite characters- especially to people who (presumably) don't know them xjfkdk apart from the very popular ones ofc

ILLYA KURYAKIN (The man from U.N.C.L.E)

gay ass little Russian spy I love him he is so *dramatic* and a huge nerd and a Beatles fan and into fashion design- perfect pocket size blorbo ;w; also seeing a Russian character being given a positive leading role in an American tvshow from the 60s ?? Yes he lives in New York and works for UNCLE America.... But he is still a communist ?? Incredible ! Also I really like the fact he isn't given the cliché personality traits often given to Russian characters i e anger issues drinks a lot violent ect (looking at you shitty(imo) modern remake... What did you do to my little guy ;;). In a close contest with Spock for the "gayest man from tvshow" of the 60s..... And in my heart he is winning djdkd for me the gay subtext of muncle hits so much more because it's not a scifi show- it's closer to home, Napoleon and Illya were *like that* in the present day of the 60s, they were both human, and no alien fuckery made them go to the village more than once or play house in the suburbs or get attached ass up to get pegged on a regular basis... Truly a show that feels written by an old queen and a guy with the biggest fem dom fetish jkvjjkb (don't get me wrong tho I adore star trek tos and spirk too <3)

KUROO HAZAMA and PINOKO (Black Jack)

sometimes I rewatch some of the oavs from the 90s when I'm sad :) I had a huge phase a couple years back when I read nearly all the manga (should really finish it... Or reread the whole thing frankly), watched *all* the shows (bar young black jack, hated that shit) and idk I just love this venal bitch so much- him and his daughter and his conflicted feelings for his tboy ex that he still loves kfkfkf btw I'm dying for a modern take on this like please please please I'd love to see Kei Kisaragi's story rewritten a bit (trans character in the 70s sure was progressive but oh boy-), because him and black jack's relationship makes me so *weak*.... And maybe see him a bit more than in one story- anyway ! When it comes to his daughter Pinoko, it's very hit or miss- when the writers lean on the cute father adoptive daughter relationship it's great, when they lean more on the whole "she has a crush on him" (very much like a child in most case, and he *never* reciprocate thank god) and bring up the fact she is technically 18 a lot (she was an evil tumor trapped in her sister before he created a body for her- black jack shit dw), and she gets jealous of other women.... Well it's terrible and I'm uncomfy :(

EVA KANT (Diabolik)

Look.... You just can't show me danger diabolik 1968 and not expect me to become insane djdkdkdk she is so cool ;; !!! Her and her devious eel of a man (here as a panther, because even tho I haven't read the comic yet, I'm taking an educated guess that all the panther imagery is here to represent him, the lethal twunk always in the all black gimp suit... And if it's not then fuck my entire life ig fjfkkd), the cuntiest het couple you've ever seen, such freaks I love them ! Partners in crime that will blow up the tax offices of the whole country if you try to put a bounty on them <3 they are in the guilty faves category only because I'm this invested in these characters after 1 (one) movie fkfkf watched the first two remakes and was hmmm let's say underwhelmed, could have been worse but going after the 60s one ie peak cinema was hard... I went in fully invested in these heterosexuals and they still fucked up their romance and relationship ;; (don't spoil me the third one btw haven't seen it yet ! I know it's the yaoi one- which doesn't give me much hope for Eva tbh...) I'll soon start reading the comics tho ! Managed to find all twelve volumes of "Il grande Diabolik" in french for pretty cheap so I'm excited for that :D (might scan them and upload them online because omg I tried finding scans in *any* language and only found a dubious website that sold digital copies for 7€ a volume ??? What is this)

UTA (The Void / Тургор / Turgor / Tension)

Apathy girlyyyyy she just like me for real for real nfkfk what absolutely charmed me about her is yes her design, but more importantly her chamber's design (if you've never played the void, a sister's chamber is a space that represent her. You get a sense of who she is by exploring her chamber before finding her and talking to her soul it's great). The lonely island out at sea, her laying down on a suspended steel boat in a grotto, looking passively at the moon by a crack on the ceiling.... And the moon is looking back. Incredible ! I love this game so much

KIM KITSURAGI (Disco Elysium)

Do I really have to explain this one ? When I played the game with quiji I remember I kept saying "when Kim talks, we *listen*" djkdk we did get a good grade in Kim Kitsuragi and got him to dance in the church <3 this fucking centrist cop wormed it's way into my heart and many others because of course he did. The only Kim K in my eyes. Also funny anecdote : before I played Disco Elysium, I had one concept art masterclass where a kinda famous concept artist came to give advice, make us really stressed then give us a shitty grade.... And when I tell you this man looked so much like Kim ??? Same haircut, glasses, face with a scar *exactly* where Kim's portrait has a stark shadow on his cheek and he was dressed in an orange top- truly uncanny. Anyway, Kim is so fucking cool how does he do it

DARK VADOR (La guerre des étoiles)

*sight* not surprising if you know me... and to be clear when I say Vader I don't mean Anakin Skywalker, post barbecue only zouz here. I refuse to yap about this man djdkdk I already do that way to much in ao3 comment sections

And here is the template I used ! Don't know who made it tho sorry...

PS : all these where made in 2-3 hours each :D wanted to challenge myself by painting quickly, and I mostly (looking at the Eva Kant one that gave me trouble) succeeded !

[activesplooger]

I have a special request if you’re up for it

summary: you and Adam have this mutual attraction towards each other, but the main reason you won’t take the first step is because you know how high his sex drive is, which wouldn’t be too much of a problem if you weren’t so vanilla. You liked tenderness, praise, gentle touches, and you just don’t entirely trust him to be very accommodating.

do with this what you will, please and thank you

thanks for the request! this prompt was amaze! <33

sorry it took so long for me to do this its been a hectic week (america core)

hope you like how this turned out :]

__

You and Adam were... complicated, to say the least. Having been friends with Eve, you've heard all about his "inadequacies" in Eden. You thought he was this vile, cocky, arrogant asshole with no redeeming qualities. And then you met, and yeah that's pretty accurate. But, alas, there was an instant attraction.

Eve took you out a few weeks ago to a party hosted by Heaven's elite, a party you'd usually never attend on account of being a lower class angel. So many of Heaven's highest powers were there: seraphims, arch angels, virtues- and the first man himself, Adam. Eve scoffed as he approached, the colossal angel striding up with a cocky grin.

He was beautiful; rugged features, a messy fluff of hair, a nice smile- truly the man. For a moment, you were infatuated... and then he had to open his mouth. The cocky angel bends down to meet face to face with you, "Eve, who's the babe?". Eve rolls her eyes, "No, Adam.". "Fuck do you mean "No"," He says in a mocking voice.

Straightening his posture, he scoffs, his full stature towering over yours. "I mean no, you're not gonna 'cum 'n go' with this one," she asserts sternly. "Cum and go?" he feigns innocence, "I would never-". Before he could finish his sentence, Eve cuts him off, "Adam, I've told her everything about you and us, she's smarter than to get with someone like you". He groans, "Ugh! God dammit! You're such a cock-block Eve!".

Eve's head snaps to the entrance of the party, watching as a tall blonde woman walks in. "Lillith!" she exclaims, beginning to walk in her direction. Shit, was she gonna leave you with this dickhead? You grab her arm and pull her back to you, "Don't you dare leave me-". She smiles softly and chuckles, "C'mon, you're smart enough not to fall for his crap. You can deal with him for a few minutes, I'll be back before you know it!". "But-" you try to protest but she had already strode halfway across the room. Pivoting back towards Adam, your once again met with his smug gaze.

"So," he steps closer to you, "this party blows. I get cock blocked and both my ex-wives show up? Lame.". He grabs you chin and lifts it, "Wanna get out of here?". "What? No!" you respond, a bit offended at the implication. Adam removes his hands off you and holds them up in a gesture of surrender, "Alright, sugartits. Heard you loud and clear. Guess I'm just gonna go and leave you allll alo-". He turns around and pretends to leave, trying to coerce you into leaving with him. "Wait!" you call out. Eve was the really the only other person you knew and she had left and you hate being alone.

He turns on his heels slowly to face you, the ever-present smug look plastered on his face, "Oh? What was that?". You huff and avoid eye contact, "Fine. Let's gooOOOO-". He grabs you by the arm before you an continue and yanks you along as he shoves through the crowd of angels. Usually, this isn't your thing. But, you naively figured you guys would just make out behind the building or something for a bit.

And just like you had thought, Adam takes you out back and presses you against the wall, crashing his lips against yours in a heated kiss. It took you a minute to adjust to his feverent pace, trying to match the same energy that he put into his embraces. His tongue invades your mouth, pushing its way past your lips without permission. Entangling his tongue with yours, soft moans escape your lips.

His hands snake their way under your shirt, kneading your breasts through your bra softly. Okay, this was escalating really fast- As he goes to undo your bra clasp, you pull back and try to pry his arms off you. You chuckle nervously, "Uh let's maybe slow down a bit...". He looks back with his eyebrow quirked up, a confused look on his face,"Huh? What do you mean "too fast"?".

The angel chuckles in a taunting manner, "Wait? What'd you think we were gonna do back here?". "I-I don't know, make out?" you reply. "Look, Babe, I'm looking to screw," he pokes a finger between a hole he made in his hand while wiggling his eyebrows, "I'm not here to share feelings or snuggle. Got it?". He leans in for another kiss but you stop him by pressing the palm of your hand to his lips, "Yeah, I'm gonna pass.".

Adam scoffs and pulls back, crossing his arms over his broad chest arrogantly, "Fine, your loss anyway.". "Bye, Adam," you say with a sigh as you walk away. "Fine, bitch," he mutters.

__

Since that day, you and Adam have had many encounters, each one identical to the last. He'd hit on you, you'd reject him, and he'd act clueless as to why. Although the attraction is surely there, it would never work between the two of you. Adam's high sex drive could never work for your vanilla self, and there's no way in Hell Adam would ease up on fucking for even a day, let alone for the duration of a relationship. Besides, it's not like he's looking for anything serious.

One day, you run into Adam again in the promenade. The two of you get to talking, laughing, flirting - the usual. He makes and advance, and you reject him, just like every other time. But this time, he snaps. The angel throws his hands up in the air, "I don't fucking get it! You always do this shit!". "Heheh, oh Adam I'm just gonna flirt with you and then totally leave you high and dry! Hehe!" he says, mocking your voice. "That's really what you think I'm doing?" you narrow your eyes at him. He scoffs, "Oh be fucking real! You're such a tease!". "A tease? You're just pissed because I don't want to fuck you!"

He looks at you incredulously, "Do you know how insane you sound?!". "Are you serious? Whatever, I'm out," you turn to walk away. He grabs your forearm and effortlessly pulls you back to face him, "Excuse me? Did I say we were fucking done here?". You try to pry your arm away from him, however, it's pointless against his relentless grip, "Let go, Adam.". "No," he states firmly, hand engulfing your arm tightly, "I wanna know why you're rejecting me.".

You exhale sharply and run a hand down your face in exasperation, "Look, you're a nice- well- you're and okay guy, Adam. We have good chemistry it's just...". "It's just what?" he questions roughly. "It's just that your sex drive is so fucking high! I don't want that, I wan't a relationship with love and tenderness-". "That's fucking dumb," he interrupts. "Exactly! We want different things, so let me go!".

Adam's eyes widen, shocked at the thought of you leaving, "What? No! I can be tender! I prommy! C'mon give me a chance.". "Pft," you chuckle, "not falling for that.". "Falling for what? I can be a real fuckin' romantic!".

"Yeah, right," you chuckle, unconvinced by his promises. "Babe," he grabs your smaller hands in his large one, "one date, that's all I ask! And if it doesn't rock your world then you'll never hear from me again.". You hesitate for a moment. Never hearing Adam's nagging sounds great, plus he'd probably take you out somewhere nice... A heavy sigh escapes your lips, "One date. Somewhere nice, bring flowers.".

"You got it, sugartits!"

__

Adam followed up on his promise. He texted you to be ready at 5 tomorrow and wear something nice. You didn't know where he would be taking you, he'd simply state that "its a surprise".

The following day, the clock struck 5 and you immediately heard a knock on the door. Swinging the door open, Adam leaned against the door frame with the biggest bouquet of flowers your've ever seen. "These are for you, obviously," he holds out the extensive amount of flowers to you. Taking them in your hand, you examine the flower choice, "Jonquils and white roses, fitting.". "Oh really I hadn't noticed," he mutters, feigning innocence.

"Uh huh," you eye him up and down, surprised at his formal attire. He ditched the robe, instead, he dawned a white suit with lavender and gold accents akin to his usual robe colors. Though, he still wore his exterminator mask. The angel notices your gaze on him and wiggles his eyebrows, "Like what you see?". "Could be better," you state flatly. He scrunches his eyebrows, an offended look on his face, "Better? How?!". Reaching out, you lift the mask off him, "Much better, now I can actually see you.". He turns his head away bashfully, muttering, "yeah, okay, whatever," under his breath as his face heats up.

__

The two of you arrive at the destination, a beautiful garden-esque restaurant that's completely cleared out. "Woah, this is gorgeous," you state, in awe at the scenery. A cocky grin spreads across Adam's face, "Like it? Being the first man has its perks, I had the whole place cleared out just for us.".

"Its, wow," you walk in further, admiring the set up. The restaurant's walls are covered in vines and flowers, fairy lights hanging from beamed ceiling. A dim glow casts around place, a surprisingly warm atmosphere in the cold outside air. Adam grabs your waist gently and guides you to your table. Roses pave the walkway to your seating, waiters on standby holding wine. Adam pulls your chair out for you to sit, pushing your chair in for you once your sat.

"I have to say, I'm pleasantly surprised at this," you state. "Oh yeah?" he smirks, "told I could be romantic and shit.". You take a sip of your wine and chuckle, "Well, your doing a great job of it so far.". "Oh, yeah?" Adam leans in and whispers in a husky low tone, "how good? Good enough to give me a thank-you-fuck after?".

"Nope," you reply flatly. "God damn it!" he throws his hands up in the air in frustration. You laugh and check the time on your phone, "Look at that, you lasted an hour without bringing up sex! That's your best record.". He scoffs, a soft smile involuntarily spreading across his face, "Yeah whatever, fuckin' prude.". __

You two share a nice dinner, the food was phenomenal and the conversation was pretty good. Getting to know Adam was actually interesting, at least for the parts he would open up about. He pays for the meal and leads you outside, the cool air causing you to shiver. Adam kindly offers his jacket out to you. "Thanks," you grab the jacket and slide it over your shoulders, the oversized fabric offering extra warmth across your body.

You take his hand as you walk through the streets of heaven, the action taking him by surprise for a moment. He regains his composure and intertwines his fingers with yours tightly, pulling you to his side.

The walk back to your place is comfortably quiet, just the two of you enjoying the calm atmosphere. Once you arrive to your place, you stand by the door as you say your goodbyes, "Tonight was really fun, Adam.". You move closer to him, expecting a kiss from him before you part ways.

He avoids eye contact, not responding to you, an uncharacteristically shy demeanor suddenly creeping up. "Adam? Helloo?" you try to get his attention by waving your hands in front of him, yet, you get no response. Exhaling sharply, you grab his face and force him to make eye contact with you, "Are you gonna kiss me or what?!".

"I'm trying but now you've got me all weird and nervous!" he finally says, his face now beet red. "Me?! It's not like we haven't kissed before," you respond defensively. "Not like this! It didn't mean anything before," he trails off, his words getting softer. He sighs, running a hand down his face, "Nobody meant anything before, but you do. And now I'm getting all sappy and gross, can't even fucking kiss you without feeling all anxious and shit! See what you do to me?! I shouldn't have ever-". Reaching up on your tippy toes, you cut him off with a soft kiss. He shuts his eyes and leans into it, wrapping his arms around your waist as he deepens the kiss. His eyebrows knit together, focused on the tender moment before him.

You try to pull back from the kiss to get some air, however, Adam whines and pulls you back in. Chuckling against his lips, your hands run through his soft brown locks of hair. He trails his lips down to your neck where he nuzzles into you, holding you in a firm embrace. "Don't even think about telling people about this," his says, words muffled against your neck.

"'Bout what? You being a big sap?" you tease. "Shut the fuck up," he mutters. "I'm kidding!" you chuckle, lifting his head off your shoulder to see him, "I hope we can do this again sometime.". The angel smiles softly, pulling away from you and standing up straight, "I'll see you soon then. Night.".

"Night."

He walks away from your doorstep, occasionally looking back at you to make sure you got in okay, already planning your next date in his head the whole way home.

The End <3 __

i love this prompt!!! very me core. i know i talk my freaky lil shit on here but im all talk. im very touch averse unless your on my mentally approved list of people that can touch me, and yet my love language is physical touch or something idfk guys anyway im gonna stop rambling

anyWHOOO, Jonquils and white roses have cute lil flower meanings btw :]

Jonquils: rebirth, new beginnings, and hope

White Roses:  loyalty, purity, and innocence

all the things adam was trying to come off as lol

to requester: thanks for the prompt darling! :]

[hydrogenperfoxide]

I really wish there was more independent tv

I also wish public tv in the US had an adult channel that was basically uncensored like all Dutch public tv is.

I was watching over my wife's shoulder and a comedy news show straight up showed hole.

There's also been programs about sex where they show it and apparently my wife saw an uncensored autopsy when she was a teen.

Educational programs just get to do things. Interview programs have people as they actually talk. Hell, one show (hosted by metal singer and intersex and non-binary icon Raven van Dorst) had them going around in the middle of the night and talking to people who were still up. From people coming back from parties to late night artists to a gigalo to a couple of guys doing pirate radio.

One show I really liked was called Groeten uit Holland, greetings from the Netherlands. Which followed a group of older first generation Moroccan immigrants as they did things and learned about the Netherlands and we learned about them and their culture (i was also learning about the Netherlands with them)

Anyway the point is, i think public tv done right can have a LOT of freedom and i really want that for me and for everyone

you know its kinda annoying how much television scholarship just utilizes film theory or literary theory without much consideration of like a theory of television and what makes it unique because i think truly the defining functions of the medium are the total variety of like everything both within the show itself but also knowing its being broadcast alongside a variety show sports the nightly news a soap opera and a filmed for tv version of a play like that television collapses all these varying things into one space and may block them all around each other and that there isnt really underground independent television it is almost permanently a commercial or government funded enterprise answerable to those interests and because of that has also had the grip of censorship over the medium a lot more strongly with essentially no other method of distribution available to still be considered television and so i find the ways it like works to balance those competing interests and need for viewers and change and experimentation or the need to stay exactly the same to stand out within the broader extreme variety available on television around it to be idk fascinating things to study and contemplate also u know very sad that despite the medium change of television being like well the television to the even more extreme variety and interest grabbing options of the internet it has not really embraced understanding itself as contained within a computer or within the internet the way television engaged with itself as part of the broader television and entertainment landscape and that with the move to expecting to get tv on the internet the possibility of indie television finally became somewhat possible with the advent of the webseries but despite the chokehold streaming now has on the industry and more people expecting to receive their entertainment from the internet than ever before the independent low budget webseries has all but disappeared from relevancy which is sad especially with the current state of the entertainment industry..

[justwinginglife]

Operation Rescue Hoshina aka The Runaway Boyfriend

Inspired by ideas from @adaizel based off of a fic that I wrote where Hoshina tries to avoid reader by running off doing other missions with other divisions and the reader says she'll drag his ass back if she finds him doing it again. Thanks again for the ideas and the enthusiasm. Also this will be NSFW as fuck and this will be longer than my usual fics so buckle up!

When you find the office of the Vice Captain is empty yet again, his stupid chair swiveling like he just had the idea to up and run, you groan. Hoshina loved doing this to you. He loved picking a Division, any division at all, and running away to them under the guise of helping with their missions. He loved to see how long it would take you to find him and come running, yelling profanities at him. He thought it was sexy. And he loved to see just how far he could push you.

It was a little game the two of you would play, and sometimes you were amused and sometimes you weren't.

Today you weren't. You were supposed to be having a meeting with him to talk about new training protocols for the Third Division and here he was fucking around god knows where on a random ass Tuesday, knowing damn well he has loads of paperwork to do. You knew you should have told him Captain Ashiro would be at the meeting too, he'd never mess around if it was the Captain. You were his sole target for teasing.

"Which fucking division are you in now Soshiro??" You grumble to yourself, flipping through papers on his desk, and opening drawers trying to see if he left you some sort of clue. You found nothing and you thought you might have to journey all over Japan to find him, when you got a text on your phone.

Come pick up my idiot brother, please. He's driving me crazy.

You scoff at your phone. Well this was a new one. Looks like he was in the Sixth Division today.

When I get there, I'm going to kick his ass so hard he lands in America.

You suit up and take your motorcycle. He hates when you make him ride on the back of your bike (he claims you drive like a crazy person and his sensitive stomach can't take it) but you don't give a shit right now. You just want the fastest way to get to him, and with this mode of transport you can duck and weave in between cars.

You arrive at the scene of Hoshina's soon to be murder, revving your engine as you spin in circles making donuts on the pavement and sputtering smoke into the air.

You pull out your megaphone from your bag. You had to buy a megaphone at this point.

"SOSHIRO FUCKING HOSHINA! IF YOU DON'T SHOW YOURSELF IN TWO SECONDS I WILL SNAP YOUR SWORDS IN HALF AND SHOVE THEM WHERE THE SUN DON'T SHINE!" You bellow loudly through the speaker.

The onlooking officers wince and move aside, making way for a very embarrassed Soshiro to step through.

"Hi baby." He says, rubbing the back of his head sheepishly as he slowly walks towards you.

"PICK UP THE PACE SOLDIER!" You yell as though he doesn't outrank you.

He sighs and starts jogging to you.

"Little much today, don't you think, love?" He asks as he approaches you.

You raise an eyebrow, daring him to challenge you, and he holds both his hands up in surrender.

He grins. "I mean, it was sexy and all." Then he cocks his head at your ride. "But did you have to bring the damn bike?"

You smirk at that. "If you didn't want to ride on my bike you shouldn't have run away, dumbass."

He groans, already clutching at his stomach. "Please don't drive crazy."

You wink at him. "Shall we do some off-roading? Just for you baby?"

He rolls his eyes and hops on the back of the bike, wrapping his arms around your waist. Then he leans in closer and presses a kiss to your neck. "Hey. We haven't had a date this week yet, and I saw this cute lil diner on the way in. Dinner on me, baby?"

You bite your lip to keep from smiling. This was the one thing you liked about his stupid, wild antics. He'd treat you to anything in whatever city you found yourselves in. "Dinner... and I saw a shopping mall on the way over. Buy me something nice."

He chuckles and snuggles up against you. "Deal baby."

And that was Tuesday. But then came Saturday and Saturday was a whole different beast. It was you and Hoshina's day off and you had been snuggled up in bed with him when he said he wanted to go for a walk, you were still sleepy so you waved him off and he said he'd be back soon. That was three hours ago.

Ughhhh, why's he doing this to me on a Saturday? You groan and throw on your combat suit. You've got your knives tucked in place all over your suit and guns prepared when you hear a knock at the door. That better be him, you think to yourself.

You open the door and it's a woman. You blink. She blinks.

"I'm looking for Soshiro?" She asks.

Your eyes narrow. "Who wants to know?" And who the fuck is using his first name so comfortably.

"I'm his girlfriend." She says snootily.

You throw your head back and laugh once, then you stand up straight, cracking your shoulders and your knuckles. You glare down at her. "That's funny. Because I'm his girlfriend."

She clears her throat. "Well I'm his ex-girlfriend," She corrects herself like it's a simple mistake.

Bitch. You didn't just misspeak, you were trying to have something over me, you think to yourself. "And what the fuck are you doing visiting his place, ex-girlfriend?" You emphasize ex as you step closer to her, towering over her and causing her to back up one step. But she holds her ground and refuses to back up any further.

"Just wanted to see if he missed me, that's all." She says simply and you're pissed off by her honesty. Like she's not threatened by you.

"Be a good girl and tell him I said hi, yeah?" She smirks.

Your fists clench. "Darling, I don't know if you know this, but these apartments are owned by the Defense Force and I'm the Third Division's Platoon Leader so I say you're trespassing. If I see you around here one more time, if you even breathe anywhere near my boyfriend, I will personally grab you by your shitty extensions and drag you off the grounds myself. Is that crystal fucking clear?" You make a point of pulling your gun out, though you know it's an immature move.

She raises an eyebrow but then rolls her eyes and backs off. "I see Soshiro still likes them crazy." Then she walks off and leaves you alone with your thoughts. You watch as her figure recedes, biting into your lip until it bleeds.

What a fucking awful way to spend your Saturday.

You need to shoot something. You open your phone to find the tracking app (you'd finally decided you needed to install some way to trace Soshiro easier), and find he's in the First Division today.

"Sorry Narumi, I'm about to break your fucking door down." You snatch your keys (honestly- you almost rip the whole ass hook off the wall trying to grab them) and get in your car (you think it might be too dangerous to be driving pissed off on a motorcycle). You slam on the gas, the smell of burning rubber filling the air, and you speed off.

When you arrive, you thank god there's an actual kaiju attack. If you didn't have something to kill, you might've strangled Soshiro himself. In fact, you might kill the kaiju and strangle him anyway.

Now the First Division officers see you pull up and they start to groan, looking around at each other nervously. Soshiro runs away to the First Division more than any other division because he knows it'll annoy the shit out of Narumi to have the two of you causing chaos in his city (kill two birds with one stone right?), so these officers know you almost as well as the Third Division at this point. Or at least they thought they did, but today you were a whole different level of frenzied and furious and they were not immune to the fear that followed.

You don't even look at them, and they start to breathe again, thinking they're safe. Then you jump on the head of the nearest kaiju and start pummeling it with your fists until it's pulp. The officers gulp. You usually use your gun and give the kaiju's a quick death- less chance of them hurting anyone else if they die quicker, you'd say. But apparently today you weren't thinking about mercy or efficiency.

When your fists finally start to get tired, you pull out your gun and start rapidly blasting any beast that dares come near you. Then, once you've cleared out most of the kaiju, you start to go for the big one. That's where Narumi and Soshiro are currently held up. Narumi rolls his eyes as you jog up to them and Soshiro grins.

"Hey baby!" He calls to you.

"A fucking walk? Huh, Soshiro? A walk?" You spit out.

He shrugs, still grinning from ear to ear. "It was a long walk, what can I say?"

"You went for a walk in your goddamn combat suit? To the First Fucking Division??" You demand, punching him in the arm.

He senses you're a different kind of mad today but he can't quite figure out why. He watches you intently, trying to piece it together.

You know he's trying to figure you out so you make it easy for him. "Met your bitch ass ex girlfriend today. You know, the one you failed to mention you had."

He coughs. "You met Tsumi?"

Hearing her name, knowing that he knows who you're talking about, pisses you off even more. You punch his other arm and he winces.

"You ladies wanna take this conversation elsewhere? I'm kinda busy here." Narumi says, still shooting at the Honju.

"Actually, I think I'm good right where I'm at." You charge headfirst towards the Honju, while Narumi and Soshiro gape at you. You run at it, shooting anywhere that looks like a soft spot but to no avail. You're glad the Honju isn't easy to kill though- you don't want it to be.

"Guess I'll have to use these." You pull out Soshiro's swords and he spins around wondering when you took them from him. You slash at the beasts legs, arms, chest, neck. You just want to slash at something, anything at this point.

Be a good girl and tell him I said hi, yeah?

You hear her stupid fucking voice in your head and you keep slashing and slashing until you you realize the Honju has been long dead and the officers of the First Division are gathered around you, staring.

You wipe the blood from your face. "Soshiro. We're going home. NOW." You drop his swords to the floor with a clang and he winces at the sound. He collects them quickly and follows you to the car, waving bye to the other officers before he gets in.

You drive home, intending to spend the time in silence but Soshiro has other ideas.

"Does it help if I say you were really sexy back there?"

You're silent.

"Hey, I saw this really cool movie theater we could try. It's got luxury seats and a full bar."

Still silent.

"Baby. Come on. Are you really mad at me? For real? I don't even get a date?"

You glare at him and then turn back to face the road. "Why don't you take Tsumi on a date?"

You can almost hear his stupid cheeky grin. "Ahhh. I see. Someone's jealous. So sexy."

You punch his arm again in the same spot you'd hit earlier. "Hey! You're gonna bruise my beautiful arms, ya know!"

"I'm aiming to."

He scoffs. He's quiet for a moment. Then he daringly says, "I bet Tsumi wouldn't do this to me."

You slam on the brakes.

You peer out the window and it looks like you're near a motel. You drag his ass out of the car and book the two of you a room at the front desk before dragging him to said room.

He smirks. "Little mini vacation? Is that what's going on right now?"

"Get undressed." You demand.

He licks his lips at the sudden order. Though caught off guard by this random excursion of yours, he goes along with it. "Yes ma'am." He starts to strip and for a moment, you get distracted by the ripple of his muscles tight against his body. Then when he's fully naked in front of you, you back him towards the bed. He allows you to, thinking you're here to reward his bad behavior. You're not.

You pull out some handcuffs and shackle him to the bed frame, to his surprise. You start to walk away and the smirk drops from his face as he starts to think that maybe you're going to leave him here in some random motel on the side of the road.

"Hey! Hey wait! Baby, where are you going? Baby, talk to me! You can't leave me here!"

You tsk at him, waving a finger in front of his face. "Be a good boy and sit still, I'll be right back." You tighten his cuffs, sending a slight jolt of pain into his wrists. He gulps.

You leave the room and go grab some things from the car.

When you come back you wrap a blindfold around him and he flinches.

"Wh-what's going on? Baby?" He asks, uncertain for the first time all day.

You nuzzle against his ear and bite the lobe, pulling slightly. He inhales sharply. "I'm going to teach you to behave yourself." You say in a low growl. He shivers.

You pull your whip out and start running it up one of his calves. His breath hitches in his throat. You wrap a hand around his throat, applying slight pressure around it. Before he can get used to the sensation, you drag the whip up and slap it down on his thigh. He gasps at the little taste of pain that's searing his leg, but you know he loves it.

"Tell me... does Tsumi make you feel like this?" You whisper in his ear, this time licking up the curve of it.

He swallows. "N-no baby... only you do." His words are meek and they sound so delicious to you.

"That's a good boy." You whip his other thigh and he groans this time, his cock engorging at the feeling. You lightly drag the whip across his dick, causing it to twitch. He lifts his hips and arches into it, wanting more.

"You want this baby?" You start to drag the whip up his defined abdomen and across his chest. He nods quickly. You smirk at his eagerness. You run the whip down the length of his arm and flick it hard against his forearm.

He groans and bites his lip.

You pull on his bottom lip, and his teeth release it. "No biting, love. That's just for me." You lean forward and bite his lower lip, tugging on it gently before releasing.

"Fuck." He whispers.

"Watch your language baby. I might just have to punish you for that."

"So punish me," He says, breathless.

You lick your lips at his pleading. The sight of him laid bare for you, desperate for your attention, was such a pretty picture. The Vice Captain of the Third Division, all flushed and panting, precum seeping from his throbbing cock. All because you touched him a little.

You thought you'd reward him a little. You trace your tongue up his thigh, lapping at the red welt on his skin. He throws his head back against the bedframe, soaking in the feeling of your wetness on his skin. You grab his balls in one hand and squeeze as you drag your tongue up the length of his bulging erection. You nip at his tip a little and then, before he can react, you deep throat him.

He hits the back of your throat and he inhales sharply. Your mouth tightens around him, coating him thoroughly in your saliva as you suck harder. Then, right as he thinks he might cum, you pull back. He swears and you almost laugh. His legs are shaking now and he bucks at the air, trying to get some relief. You press two hands down tightly on his thighs, shoving him back into the mattress.

"Not yet. You cum when I say you can. Got that?"

He whimpers as more precum trickles out of him.

You place a cock ring at his base and he groans. "You're going to tease the shit out of me until I'm begging for it, huh?"

"You got that right baby."

You click a leash around his neck and uncuff him from the bed. You tug on the leash, pulling him towards you and meeting his lips for a sloppy kiss. Then you withdraw from him, leaving him hungry for more, and you push him down flat against the bedsheets.

He tries to get up, reaching for your face to snag another kiss, but you shove him back down. "Such a bad boy. You only do what I tell you to, got that?" You flick the whip at his thigh again.

He shudders. "Yes baby. Anything you say baby."

Then you pull out your prostate massager and, after lubing it up thoroughly, you slowly side it inside him causing him to gasp. Then you turn it on to a low setting and watch as he twitches, moans escaping his beautiful lips.

"I'm not done with you yet love." While that's running, you grab a vibrating wand and turn it on. It rumbles against the base of his cock, causing him to tremble.

"Fuck." He whimpers.

"What did I say about your language baby? Seems someone hasn't learned their lesson." You turn the settings up on the wand and trace it up his length, earning another groan from him. His precum starts to pump ferociously as the wand reaches his tip. He's starting to overload, unable to keep up with the vibrations coming from both ends of him. He can't tell if he should focus more on the delicious pressure up against his prostate or the rumbling across his dripping tip.

"Now, tell me again. What is Tsumi to you?"

"Nothing. She's nothing." He gasps out.

"And what am I?"

"Everything. You're everything baby." His moans come out low and guttural.

"Good boy. Now tell me, are you going to run away from me again? You know we've got important work to be doing at the Third Division."

He bites his lip.

You sigh. "I see. Still haven't learned your lesson then. Alright, I can go at this all night, let's see how much you can take."

You turn the settings up to max on both devices.

He jolts so quickly he chokes on his spit, the saliva drizzling down his chin, as he clenches the sheets hard. "B-baby! B-baby, p-please!" His words are frantic as they stumble out of his mouth. He chokes back a sob as you press the wand harder against him.

"Th-that's t-too m-much... ah fuck!"

He ejaculates wildly, his hips bucking from the sheer force of it, as hot milky cum spurts out of him in erratic bursts, dousing you. He's still shuddering from his violent orgasm when you've finally turned off the toys and pulled them away from him.

His breathing is ragged and shaky, and sweat from his forehead starts to trickle down and cloud his view.

"S-so we're all good now, r-right?" He asks weakly.

You smirk at him, feeling smug.

"For now."

[ashprompts]

𝐆𝐀𝐌𝐄 𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐍𝐆𝐄𝐑 𝐒𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐍𝐂𝐄 𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐑𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐒

a collection of sentence starters from dropout tv's game changer. feel free to alter pronouns/text as you see fit

“I’ve been here THE WHOLE TIME”

“It’s hard to hold this much anger in my body.” 

“If you never hear from me again, you know what to do!.”

“If they don’t find me it’s because I was chopped up and fed to the pigs!”

“I SOLVED YOUR LABYRINTH, PUZZLEMASTER. THE MINOTAUR’S ESCAPED, AND YOU’RE GONNA GET THE HORNS, BUDDY”

“I. CANNOT. WIN!!!!”

“A lot of people have been saying that ___ is a singularly evil, wildly incompetent, befuddled nepo baby silver spoon motherfucker. This is what people are saying.” 

“If you can do ONE swing on the swing I will let you play with all the math puzzles that you want” 

“You’re not getting a FUCKING JOKE OUT OF ME until you let me out of this room! You want bits?! You let me out of this room for bits, motherfucker!”

“Are we gonna die before we get outta here?” 

“I’m gonna lose so fucking hard it’s gonna blow your fucking mind”

“But in this sick rodeo, this bizarre fucked up clown festival, we’re here celebrating what I can only describe as the sickness at the core of America.” 

“Give me the assignment and I don’t miss. I’m gonna DIE before this is over.”

“Your tower’s gonna fall. Laugh it up now.” 

“A river of sweat is running down my back right now.”

“I do hate zombies and I will have nightmares about this tonight. But in this moment I just feel like I’m surrounded by friends.” 

“We don’t give a cum.”

“If you’re in a hole, DYING. I WON’T BE THERE.”

“I showed them my feet, [name]! I SHOWED THEM MY FEET FOR NOTHING?”

“Stop shaking your cock in the middle of a fucking huddle, dude!”

“I’d fuck that pie.”

“If you’re like me, you eat a lot of ass.”

“I hate capitalism but I also hate losing.”

“I get my tongue so far up somebody it’s like I’m tasting their tonsils. I get so deep in there I’m gonna burn myself with stomach acid.”

“I like perching like a little bisexual gargoyle”

“If you were performing on a subway I would take money away from you.”

“I’VE ONLY JUST BEGUN TO PULL THE THREAD ON THIS SWEATER.”

“Icarus flying too close to the sun, but it seems Daedalus our little mastercrafter over here had some WAX WINGS OF HIS OWN, didn’t he? Wanted to see his son fall, faaaalll from the sky, OH HOW CLOSE TO THE SUN HE FLEW”

“Hey can I get an ah? … Don’t scream at me.” 

“You kinda have the vibe that your kids call you by your first name.”

“The day I DON’T curse when a body falls from the sky, call somebody.”

“Could I place an order? I’m hungie. What do you think would be the best pizza to order if I’m quite hungie? Um, I like cheese, what is your largest pizza? Yeah let’s get an extra large because I’m hungie. I’m hungie, I’m hungie, I’m hungie.” 

“WE ARE NOT ANIMALS!!!”

“So long as I am on this stage and drawing breath, you can good and goddamn believe I’ll be trying my best in every challenge.”

“Was it bad that we just started smashing shit?” 

“You didn't count on INGENUITY did you motherfucker?!”

“FIGHT THE BOURGEOISIE. I WILL VENMO YOU $20.” 

“This could be hell. This is very Satre-esque.”

“YOU ARE NOT GOD. THE MACHINE IS GOD.”

“Can you tell us why you’d do this to us?”

“I won’t be made a fool”

“I do feel like I’m in a nightmare”

“I’m the only one OUT of the loop it seems”

“Everybody do the wenis! The wenis is a dance! Everybody is a genius! Who knows it in advance!” 

"DANCE IS A SIN!"

"You think I'm gonna fucking roll over?!"

"It'll be a COLD DAY IN HELL when I go out like a fucking chump!"

"I don't care about winning, I just don't wanna lose"

[garpond]

happy birthday to neil young here are some of my favorite things about him

-by the age of 20 he had owned 3 different used hearses, all of which experienced some form of extreme mechanical failure that caused him to have to get rid of them

-in buffalo springfield whenever he had to go out on a date with a girl he'd tell his friends about it beforehand so that they could interrupt the date to tell him he needed to be somewhere and was late so that he could be allowed to leave

-hated going in grocery stores because he would get overstimulated and have to leave

-didn't like how the first pressing of Comes A Time sounded so he bought 200,000 of the first copies of it and used them as shingles for a barn roof

-when one of his tour buses was destroyed (i forget how) he had it brought to his ranch and buried on the property like a beloved family pet

-his early ambition before music was to be a chicken farmer

-when he and carrie snodgress where dating she'd have a ton of people over sometimes and it gave him anxiety so one evening he decided to open the living room window and crawl out of it to get away from people instead of walking through the room to get to the door because apparently he couldn't wait that long and everyone saw it

-another time he randomly showed up at a neighbors' house and they didn't really know why he dropped in all of the sudden because he wasn't very social and it turns out it was because his manager had set up a meeting for him with the band America and he didn't want to do it so he was hiding

-during buffalo springfield he would hide in peoples closets a lot

-once he was guitar shopping with stephen stills and when he was offering on a guitar stephen offered more money on it to try and get it and it pissed him off so he started bidding higher to kick off a bidding war between then and once it was up to a ridiculous amount of money he just dropped it and was like ok you win lol ! and stephen had to pay an insane amount of money for it

-during one filmed interview with MTV or something he decided to fuck with them by adjusting the position of his hat super slightly every couple seconds so that when they cut the footage together and shifted things out of order it would look confusingly different every time

-during the recording of deja vu he lived by himself in a motel but he brought his 2 pet bush babies (named Harriet and Speedy) and they scared the shit out of Graham Nash

-gave a stranger he met like a week ago unrestricted access to his finances because the guy claimed he was going to help him buy a boat and the guy ended up stealing a couple thousand dollars

-during last buffalo springfield concert he was the only person who was not even remotely sad and on the way home jim messina was literally crying and neil was just like :] the whole way

-one year on his birthday at the ranch there was going to be a party and it was a tradition to have a bonfire at it so he went out into the woods to get sticks for it but somehow managed to grab a bunch of poison oak and it was used at the fire and after that he was not allowed to gather bonfire sticks anymore

-while filming the lincvolt documentary he met a trans woman and when he was interviewing her to ask for her opinion about the car she told him that what he was doing with it was a big change and he should probably ask for the car's permission to do it and he actually did do this later

-"everybodys rockin" originated as an r/maliciouscompliance type of project because while he was on geffen records Old Ways was rejected and the label asked for a "rock and roll album" and this was his response to that

-the infamous Eat A Peach incident

-there is much more but this is all i can come up with rn

[watarfallar]

Incorrect quotes because they're funny

Scar: You have an impressive pain tolerance. Grian: Thanks, it's the trauma.

Scar: Where are you going? Grian: To either get ice cream or commit a felony. I'll decide on the way.

Grian: Scar, no. Scar: Scar, yes.

Scar: Do I least have a chance to explain myself? Grian: This is America, so nope! Scar: This isn't America, this is OHIO!

Scar: How do ethical philosophers feel about murder? Grian: Well, it’s frowned upon. Scar: Okay, but what if the reason you want to murder someone is to make your life easier? Scar: That’s okay, right?

Scar: Grian, this morning, I called you abhorrent and reprehensible, and I’d like to withdraw that statement- Grian: Aww, thanks- Scar: But I can't. Those are the 2 words that best describe you.

Grian: Remain CALM! slaps Scar multiple times

Scar: My head hurts. Grian: That’s your brain trying to comprehend its own stupidity.

Grian, in the hospital: Will you visit me when I get out? Scar: Lol nah, I hate graveyards.

Grian: Would anyone know any good vendors for professional-quality brass knuckles? Scar: I know you’re serious, but you say the scariest shit sometimes.

Grian: Can I have your number? Scar, visible texting: I don't have a phone.

Scar: I wanna sleep for 40 hours. Grian: You know that's called a coma, right? Scar: Scar: That sounds so refreshing, I could totally go for a light coma right now.

Grian: You are, of course, wondering why it is I have brought you here tonight. Scar: Actually, Grian, after all these years, I just sort of go with it.

Grian: Try not to roll your eyes at me. Scar: I don't have pupils.

Grian: Hey. Scar: pissed off You… complete …ASS, Grian! You show up here after WEEKS, and you say “hey”?!

Scar: I love hearing Grian shouting at someone else. It makes such a nice change.

Scar: Any idiot would know that. Grian: I knew that! Scar: See?

Grian: I know this isn’t going to end well and I don’t care. So don’t you try and stop me, Scar! Scar: I wasn’t stopping you. I was asking if you had a spare camera so I can record this.

Grian, looking at their reflection: Now, that's rubbish. Who's that supposed to be? Scar: Well, that's you. Grian: Me?! Is that what I look like? Scar: You don't know? Grian: Busy day.

Scar: hiding something in their coat I think we should adopt another kid! Grian: No. Scar: Why not? Grian: Because when you say “kid”, you mean “cat”, and we already have fifteen of those. Scar: unzips coat Sixteen.

Grian: Breaking News, Scar has disappointed us.

Grian: You are an absolute fucking dork. Scar, singing: Yeah, but I'm your dork! Grian: sighs Yeah, you're my dork.

Scar: You know how some people consider “may you have an interesting life” to be a curse? Grian: Yes…? Scar: Fuck those people. Wanna have an adventure?

Scar: I think I should be allowed on ghost hunter tv shows. Grian: I think that would be dangerous for the ghosts.

Scar: Okay, two person huddle. Grian: You can't huddle with two people. This is just a hug.

Grian: I couldn't do this without you, Scar. Scar: Sure you could. Not as stylishly, of course.

Grian: CHARACTER. FLAWS. ARE. FUCKING. IMPORTANT. Scar: Me when someone tells me to stop eating mayo packets like they’re gogurt tubes.

Grian: What's gone wrong, Scar? Scar: Hey! That’s one hell of a thing to say to a person. Just because I’m calling doesn’t mean there’s a crisis. Grian: That’s technically true, I suppose. Why are you calling? Scar: Well… There’s a crisis.

Grian: I know one person who finds me funny! Scar: Okay, who?… and you can't say yourself! Grian: Okay then I'm out.

Grian: Did you ever have like a pet run away and find it or anything? Scar: I had a lizard that I burnt.

[korn-official]

JONATHAN DAVIS INTERVIEW FOR PIT MAGAZINE (date unknown but guessing ‘95 or ‘96)

“I had no idea that people would relate to me so much.”

**

Korn came together in 1993, in Huntington Beach, California. Now, their Epic/Immortal self-titled debut is winning critical acclaim from the music community. Dark, intense lyrics front this hard-hitting sound. The band is comprised of Jonathan (vox, bagpipes), Fieldy (bass), Brian (guitar), James 'Munk' (guitar), and David (drums).

Be sure to eat your vegatables, son.

Pit: Tell me about the bagpipes - how did you come up with that? Are you of Scottish descent?

Jonathan: I went to a high school that had a pipe band. I started taking lessons at school; then I took private lessons and started competing. I always wanted to learn how to play that instrument, but I never thought I'd play it in a band. Then we wrote this song and thought we'd try it; it just worked.

Pit: How did the band come into being?

Jon: Munk, Fieldy and David had been playing in a band for like the last ten years, and then Brian got in the band. The singer didn't work out. They saw me in Bakersfield, where we all grew up, and asked me to try out. We just clicked. We wrote three songs our first practice. That's how Korn started; two months later we were signed. And here we are.

Pit: You're from Bakersfield, California. What kind of childhood did you have?

Jon: The normal hell-childhood. It's like out of a Stephen King novel - it's crazy. Nothing to do... Only thing I did was study music, because my dad owned a music store. So I took a lot of lessons. Eventually I learned to play a lot of things.

Pit: You're very impassioned when you're on stage. How do you feel when you're playing live?

Jon: I don't really know; I just get in a state. I don't know what I do. I get to a point where I feel everything - all the pain that I feel inside, all the passion for my songs. I can't remember anything after; I just go for it. The band tells me what's going on after. Haven't you ever gotten that freaked out?

Pit: I have, but not on a regular basis.

Jon: Well, that happens to me every time. There were a couple of shows where I snapped out of it, and I just hated the shows. Things went wrong.

Pit: What do you expect to see in the crowd?

Jon: I usually just see lots of kids going crazy - jumping around in pits. I expect to see the kids having fun.

Pit: Is there a message in your music?

Jon: I guess the only one is to be honest with yourself. I'm tired of seeing hardcore kids acting like they're so tough, so hard, so bad, but they actually have feelings. It's hardest to be yourself. If you've got to be a fake, then who are you trying to fool? I have a lot of problems with all the testosterone.

Pit: Is it hard for you to be honest with yourself?

Jon: It was for a while, but it's not anymore. Now that I have my music I can get all this out. It's like therapy for me.

Pit: You're album has gotten a lot of critical acclaim. How does this affect you?

Jon: I think it's great. I never dreamed it would be like this, but getting good reviews makes it worth it. I had no idea that people would relate to me so much.

Pit: What do you think makes your music different?

Jon: Maybe it's our grooves. That's a good question.

Pit: What do you see as the world's biggest problem right now?

Jon: Us, I guess. The people. The politics. Stuff I don't care to talk about. I hate politics. Everyone should just kill politicians. America is a huge business; they do fucked up shit to us.

[daylighted]

THE REAPERㅤㅤ—ㅤㅤEVENT OF THE FUCKIN' CENTURY.

THE REAPER disappeared off the face of the planet in the 20th century. SOLDIER BOY is the only one who holds the answers. A WAITING GAME ensues to see which, if either, makes it out of the depths of the unknown first.

includes, they're gay ㅤㅤㅤ u get to meet the side characters < 3 ㅤㅤㅤ idk i think that's it IT'S MILD. COMPARED TO WAHT COMES NEXT

word count : 3.6k

notes, my monthy fic update is done time to drop off the face of the planet again for 2384590438 years PERDFKLSLJ sry for edging aftercare for so long i'm just a girl whose interests change like the weather

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤprev part!ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤmasterpost!ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤnext part!

04.

COLE WAS NOT wearing his fucking glasses and that was final. The Vought stylist brought them in underneath a silver platter like he was supposed to be excited for the reveal of glasses that would help his failing eyesight. As if that was something he would ever be excited for. The rest of his life, watching it fail despite the rest of his body healing fine, all because his powers just did that? Going blind because his powers just did that? 

The only reason he did not tell Allie to get fucked was because she was the messenger. He didn’t shoot messengers. He just shot the sender twice.

“They’re really not so bad, Reaper,” she said in that soft voice of hers, tucking her hair behind one of her ears, fingers catching on the temples of the Vought Exclusive glasses she’d tried on. She was a sweetheart, really. Cole couldn’t believe he thought about shooting her.

Couldn’t believe a lot of the shit in his head, if he thought about it. So he didn’t.

“You try having your eyes failing on you, then tell me they’re ‘not so bad��,” he grumbles furiously, staring at his reflection in the large, golden framed mirror in one of Vought-American’s special dressing rooms on the upper floors. Cole meets Allie’s eyes in the reflection of the glass. “Oh. Fuck. Sorry.” 

She plucks his glasses off of her face, and unfolds hers from being tucked into the neckline of her peplum dress, sliding them into her face. “Should switch you and Obsidian’s suits for that. Inconvenience the both of you.”

“Hey, he’s innocent in all of this, alright?” Cole laughs, a sound he doesn’t often do. Too locked up in his head, where it’s all dark and fucky. A pause. “Obsidian’s coming?”

“Rumor has it,” Allie singsongs in response, coming up behind Cole to smooth out the skin tight leather of his outfit. He’s beginning to think she has a thing for him. He’s beginning to think he needs a new damn stylist — or whatever she was. “They want to show unity, between the Six, now that Soldier Boy—”

Oh, fucking kill him. 

“Yeah, yeah, no need to stroke his ego while he’s not here to get off on it,” he grumbled all over again, waving his hand in dismissive irritation. “God forbid he know they threw a fucking Gala for his safe return. As if he can die. As if I haven’t tried—”

Allie beams at him in the mirror, like he’s a spectacle. “Sorry,” she splutters when he catches her, head falling, “it’s just— I’m an intern, so I don’t get to see the likes of you all very often and— it’s real?”

Opportunities fall into his bored hands sometimes. Cole glances down at himself in his latex supersuit, then flicks his eyes back up to her. “Yeah. All real.”

Hates himself instantly. Has never, not once, felt so much like Ben in his life. 

“No!” she splutters all over again, her fist punching out to hit him in the arm. “The rivalries. The drama. I thought it was just publicity.”

Cole knew that, by the way. He’s just falling victim, like the rest of America currently, based on the newspaper headlines, to the influence of Soldier Boy. Get him out of here. 

Still, he puts on his media trained smile and nods once. “A lot of it’s just for show.” He talks himself out of trying to kill Soldier Boy twice an hour. “All in good fun.” He knows how he’d do it, too. “Gotta keep people watching, y’know?” Ben not included. Because Cole wanted to burn his eyes out and make his stupid head explode. 

Cole claps his hands together, turning his head to the door. Still closed, no sign of Legend yet, coming to collect him and the others. “Well, Allie. Go check for me that The Legend hasn’t croaked yet, yeah? He’s late again.”

Allie, seemingly having been waiting for an order, jumps into action like a robot. Cole felt a wash of relief the moment that she was out of the room. 

He didn’t hesitate to glance at the vanity counter that she’d left his glasses on, shooting the brightest beam of light at them to try and shatter them. No avail. Worth a shot, though. 

His door cracks open, and he first hears it in the sounds that come before the actual movement. Heavy stomping footsteps, an even heavier sigh. 

Cole expects Legend. Has an irritable teasing remark on the tip of his tongue. 

It’s Ben. 

“Just wanted to see if this was killin’ you yet, princess,” Ben hums, cigar hanging out of his mouth, hair styled flat and gelled against his scalp. “Having to celebrate me tonight.” 

“I’m not celebrating shit,” Cole says through a scoff, running his fingers through his hair. He really should start putting an effort into his appearance, shouldn’t he? Can’t just bank on being the one of the Six everyone’s afraid to cross. “There’s free wine. I’m goin’ for free wine.” 

“Don’t be like that,” Ben puffs an exhale of cigar smoke into the dressing room, making it smell like leather and tobacco at once. “You owe me a bit of fucking respect after the display yesterday.” 

Cole’s eye starts twitching, like it always does when Ben opens his mouth and tries to reprimand him for not kissing his ass. “Yeah. Alright.” 

He expects Ben to hound him a bit more, just to really solidify how much his feelings were hurt by specifically Cole’s unhappiness about his return. They’ve played this stupid game enough that Cole can predict every single one of Ben’s steps and still goes easy on him. 

Instead, there’s the telltale scrape of heavy, solid metal on hardwood, and he only has time to blink before the whistle of something flying through the room overtakes any other sound. Ben’s shield. 

Cole doesn’t have time to physically defend himself, or even react, before the edge of it slams into his abdomen and shoves him against the wall. Against the wall, into the wall — what was the difference? Drywall cracks behind his spine, and there’s a split second of blearing pain behind his eyes before his blood’s already sending its defenses to heal it. 

“What the fuck?” Cole shouts, his boot kicking at the titanium steel and trying to shove it off of his leg where it’d fallen. Expectedly, he can’t move it. 

Expectedly, he’s getting pissy. First they want him to make a grand debut next to Soldier Boy in fucking glasses — to prove that Soldier Boy is the strongest in his time of praise, he guessed, or maybe just so he could see. Either way made his blood turn to fire and ash. Then this—

“I have to go to a gala dedicated to me with a fucking hole in my chest,” Ben snarls, his booming voice echoing throughout the small dressing room. “Do you know how patronizing that is?” 

“I didn’t know you knew what that word meant,” Cole says, mostly to himself, “been reading the Daily Tribune? Doing the crosswords?” 

“I will fucking kill you one day, Reaper,” he responds through his gritted teeth, his own boots stomping on the ground as he goes to retrieve his shield, “and there won’t be a goddamn person to mourn you, and not a person to reap you either.” 

Anger flares through him like a lit match. It’d been a minute, and it’s rusty at best, but he gives in to the dark. The shadows cast behind the vanity, the darker ones beneath the soft, maroon couch in the middle of the room. 

He thinks it, and they finally, finally fall silent for a second, obeying the command in his head and curl into a wispy black hand around Ben’s throat. 

“Nice trick,” Ben rasps through his strained throat, his twitching lips betraying the calm facade he wears like a mask, “gonna dim the light now?” 

Finish it. He doesn’t. Finish him. He won’t. “Maybe the one in your eyes.” 

“You wish.” 

You wish, you wish, you wish. Fuck, he did wish. 

It’s always like this when he gives in to the shadows. Their voices quiet when he reaches out to them, and then they’re loud, pounding in his skull. 

He’s gotten used to pushing them away, though, Even when it makes his limbs feel too big for his skin, denying something so innate within him. 

Cole holds the grip on Ben’s throat a second longer before he wills the shadows into bleary black smoke again. Ben’s hand comes up to rub at the reddened mark on his skin, his eyes ablaze with fire. 

Ben’s hands shoot out before Cole can blink, strong fingers grabbing Cole by the nylon of his supersuit, They drag him in until they’re nose to nose, hot angry breath splaying on his face in puffs. 

A blink, and Cole thinks he might hit him. A blink, and he’s certain he will, already preparing to have to pop his nose into place again, crack his jaw on track again. 

He kisses him. 

It’s bruising. teeth clashing into teeth, hard enough to send them both back into the wall behind Cole. Cole is too shocked to do anything, at first, except for let him, even as it felt like ice water being poured directly over his head, turning everything to ice. 

Finally, he returns to his senses, and he shoves Ben back with his hands on his chest. Ben’s hands only curl tighter into the nylon fabric. “What the fuck, Ben?” 

Ben’s chest heaves, heavy breaths leaving his parted lips. He says nothing in his defense, not a single word, but his eyes falling to Cole’s mouth says a thousand of them. One second, they’re staring at each other. The next second, Cole isn’t sure who moves first; him, or Ben. Ben, whose hands drag him back in by his grip on his shirt. Cole, who lifted his hands to grasp at Ben’s face, holding him in place so he couldn’t break free again. 

It wasn’t romantic by any means. It was entirely lust and anger driving their mouths together. Ben pushes him back against the wall and the cracked drywall behind them, using his grip on Cole’s suit to lift him easily. 

The skin tight fabric of their supersuits leaves little to the imagination about how this was affecting them, which does nothing but make Cole groan into Ben’s open mouth. 

Ben shoves him harder into the wall, his voice a low, warning omen on his lips. “Shut the fuck up.” 

For once in his entire life, Cole listens to him. He’d deny it until he died, though. 

Ben’s knee knocks roughly against Cole’s, forcing him to spread them wider, and once Cole obliges, he presses himself deeper between them. Ben’s tongue swipes across Cole’s bottom lip until it opens, invading his mouth with force, just as he invades everything. 

That thought alone has Cole shoving him off of him until Ben’s spine collides with the vanity, stumbling after him to sink his fingers in the waistband of Ben’s pants, pulling his hips closer but still keeping him pinned to the vanity. 

Ben’s pupils are blown, eyes glazing as he stares into Cole’s. He leans in, teeth clamping around Cole’s bottom lip and drags it backwards until it pops back against his teeth. 

“Hey, Reap,” a voice — Obsidian’s, he realizes — calls from the other side of the door, and Ben jerks back so quickly that his teeth bite into Cole’s lip. Cole’s eyes flare at the blood that draws to the surface of the skin, his eyes already flaring— “They’re about to announce us downstairs in the Plaza.” 

The gold in Cole’s eyes dies down, but his heart still rests firmly in his throat; can feel it when he swallows. Ben’s teeth are clenched tightly, his jaw flexing in the process. 

“Alright,” Cole calls back through the door, his voice strained and thick.  “I’ll be down.”

“Right. Tell Soldier Boy, too, if y’see him.” Yeah. Cole saw him, alright. Ben’s eyes dare him to say something about it. “His own party and he’s M.I.A.” 

Cole’s lips twitch. Ben’s eyes darken. 

Obsidian’s footsteps echo down the hallway outside before Cole can say anything, though, and weighted seconds pass where neither Cole or Ben move. One crowded against a desk, the other crowding him. 

Ben shoves past him once Cole’s mouth opens, the altered reality they’d found themselves in shattering around them. His shoulder knocks hard into Cole’s on his way out.

The door slams behind him, rattling in the frame against the hinges, leaving Cole to bear the weight of it all on his shoulders. 

—

Downstairs, the rich and the influential sit at circular tables in the ballroom of the Plaza, dressed to the nines and muttering amongst themselves. Golden lights hang over each table, illuminating the tablecloth and their glittering wine and champagne glasses. The stage at the very back of the ballroom is the brightest; stage lights drown it in glowing white, a podium in the center and three chairs to right of it, an open space on the left. 

“Hope you plan on dimming that,” Obsidian says from somewhere in the shadows over Cole’s shoulders. Sebastian Orville looks surprisingly steady on his feet and comfortable in this crowded setting for someone who hasn’t left his house in three months, minimum. Cole supposed three months was enough time to get his gravity shit in control, if anything. 

His eyes are as stormy as ever, though, when Cole glances over his shoulder to look at him. Constantly shifting swirls of black and gray, so at odds with the rest of him. Messy curtains of sandy brown hair falling in his face, tan skin, strong jaw. He’s the most boyish of the Six’s men, in a way, and somehow one of the least human in what he does. 

“How are you here?” Cole asks incredulously, scanning his form for any indication of what is possibly keeping him from sending every glass, every table, every person, from slamming into the ceiling. 

His lips twitch, but before he can answer, Klara, Liberty, says in a false whisper, “they’ve got him shackled.” 

Sebastian’s smile is wide and genuine for someone who’s housebound, and more than likely one with furniture floating around it like bubbles. He raises his folded hands up, sleeves falling down his elbows and revealing solid black shackles. “I am being very polite today.”

“Go on, let ‘im see how you walk,” Steven, Stratostorm, nudges him forward by the elbow. “He was shufflin’ around all over the lobby. Y’Shoulda been there.” 

Cole would have rather ended his life than be around these idiots for longer than he has to now. “Yeah. Should’ve.” It was the alternative, though, to making out with Ben Anderson in his dressing room. Every single option felt like a fever dream. 

Joanne, the youngest of them all, is silent, though Cole doesn’t need his stupid glasses to know why. Bloody Mary is a terror to most,  the goddamn poster child for Vought Guard Dog in the same way that Soldier Boy is Vought’s special snowflake. 

Obsidian and Stratostorm are still chatting in loud whispers behind Cole, with the occasional chime-in from Liberty. Still, though, there’s no sign of the man of the hour, and Cole can’t help but wonder if he ditched — and if somehow, he’s gonna find a way to flip the blame onto him. 

Legend walks onto the stage, and the room’s buzz of chatter dies into soft murmurs of intrigue and interest. Here’s the man who manages the Six’s shit — or really just covers their asses. To these people, though, he must seem like a god instead of just a glorified public relations manager and string puller. 

“Good evening, ladies and gentlemen,” he starts into the rectangular microphone braced on the podium, “it is with great honor to announce to you the safe return of our Soldier Boy, and along with him, the end of the war.” 

The room erupts into applause. Cole’s already bored, having heard variations of this speech in mindless gossip around the city and straight from the war-ender himself. “It’s another great honor to announce the attendance of the Six with us tonight—” A bright white spotlight bursts above them, illuminating the five of them, drawing the attention of every pampered head in the room. “All here to celebrate the re-arrival of leader Soldier Boy.” 

Cole wanted to tell him that Soldier Boy couldn’t lead a duck to water, but whatever. He didn’t care that much. He cared more about the notable absence of Soldier Boy, knowing that the man wouldn’t ever miss an opportunity to hear about his accomplishments. His skin is crawling with unease over the unknowns that keep building up. 

“Dim that shit,” Obsidian says again under his breath, “I haven’t seen the light of day in months. I’m going to fucking burst.” 

Cole’s eyes roll. Not that he was listening to Legend rattle on about the united front that was supposed to be the Six — checkmate to Allie for having guessed that part of this speech right — but he was a little preoccupied trying to find someone. Someone who he’d made out with in his dressing room. Fuck. 

Still, he glances up into the light, used to the way bright things burn his retinas at this point, as he turns the brightness down a few notches. Murmurs erupt in an undercurrent of sound beneath Legend’s speech. Cole doesn’t bother listening in to hear what they might be saying. 

“Ladies and gentlemen,” Legend says suddenly to an equally silent ballroom, “Soldier Boy.” 

The answer to Ben’s initial question when he’d walked into Cole’s dressing room was, yes, this was killing him. Celebrating someone that he hated and that hated him was a great feat. Still, he can’t deny the rush of relief that floods his veins at the fact that Soldier Boy was up there, even if it meant that the room was deafening with their equal relief. 

Klara leads the five of them around the back wall while they’re all distracted by whatever the hell Ben is saying — war talk, Cole imagines, or whatever war stories Ben can conjure up to make him look like God’s greatest gift. 

The open space on the right of the stage was for them. To stand and be gawked at like zoo animals. Cole was already counting the seconds to when he could leave and slam a dirty martini or twelve. 

“Now would be a good time,” Joanne whispers without moving her mouth much, her words slurring through her razor sharp teeth, “to unshackle Obsidian.” 

A rare joke — rare words — from her. Cole can’t help but quirk a smile. She’s too young to be reduced to silence like she’s been. It wasn’t her fault people were scared of her. 

“Strato’s got the key.” Obsidian jerks his head slightly in Stratostorm’s direction. 

Stratostorm is less subtle with his reactions, head swiveling back and forth between the two of them, before his eyes land on Cole. He thinks, at least. The visor over his eyes makes it hard to tell. “I do not have the key.”

“What?” Obsidian splutters out, clearing his throat to try and cover it when the sound echoes off of the walls of the stage. Cole can’t help the burst of laughter that breaks free from his throat. Obsidian’s chains rattle in his outrage, bound wrists flailing at his waist, out of sight.  “You fucking promised you wouldn’t lose it, you said—”

Their argument falls to the backburner of Cole’s mind, though, because his eyes make their way over to Ben at the podium, only to find him already looking at him on his strut to join them. Legend’s taking the podium again. 

Ben settles next to Cole, arms deliberately not touching. Cole’s eyes dance to the ceiling, asking gods that long abandoned them for some strength. Then at the spotlights, dimming them, too — the last thing he wants is more attention on him than necessary while his face is red hot. 

“What happened in—”

“Didn’t fucking happen,” Cole cuts him off, eyes straight ahead still, jaw ticking. “Don't Need your orders. Already got it.” 

“Good.”

“Good.”

The rest of their time onstage, Cole doesn’t remember. He’s sure he blacked out in his efforts to ignore Ben right next to him— the heat of his body rolling off in waves. At some point, they were dismissed, and Cole went straight to the first server he saw, taking two martinis off of his tray without a second thought. 

What he really needed was a cigarette. He gave himself ten minutes, though, before he excused himself from whatever useless conversation the equally useless politician had dragged him into. He really fucking hated these things. 

Ben catches up to him before he can push open the exit door behind the stage, hoping for some semblance of illusion of privacy. Cole bristles, his fists clenching at his sides. “Don’t,” Ben grits out, his face unreadable and brutish at once. 

“Fuck you, Ben,” he spits out, his eyes rolling instantly as if it was just second nature, dismissing any and every word out of his mouth, “I’m actually, physically and mentally, sick of your shit tod—”

“Can you shut the fuck up and listen for a second?” Ben snaps, eyes locked onto Cole’s and haunted. The sight of it is the only thing that snaps his mouth shut. “I’m being fucking serious. Don’t go out there.”

Cole has no other choice than to bite. “Why?”

“Obsidian’s dead.”

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤFEEDBACK & REBLOGS ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤGREATLY APPRECIATED!

tags: @jasvtsc @depressionbarbie2023 @deanswidow @titsout4nicholas (idk who else to tag the day i'm BLANKING i make a taglist is the day i'll see heaven)

[childrenofcain-if]

Yeah okay i see all the D love and it's not like I'm not out here simping for C or......W... seriously i fucking am so obsessed with W it's insane. I love their history with MC and i just want my MC to love them so hard. But i digress I'm not here for that Axel!!!

Where is the V love people!! I want to bake a cake and then go surprise! It's for you! I just loved cooking with them because they just made some rubbish, but it was so cute!! 😭😭😭

One thing I'm maybe confused about V is. So they obviously had some gay panic, and as glorious as it was, it stems from their religious background, right?

(I can fucking relate to that shit so much)

but they also have 2 mom's... so is that a bio mom, or are they adopted?

Was the religious stuff pushed on them while in an orphanage? Because fucking hell.

Here, some families, especially very traditional ones add in christianity for a full blown hateful mix, still don't even acknowledge your gayness. it just isn't spoken about while others are straight up (lol straight up.. sorry) just kicking their kids out because being gay is not an "african" thing. Oooh, or it's from the devil, so is mental illness, but that's a whole different ballgame of nonsensicalness 😒

Sorry i asked so much shit and rambled on. Ignore me if it's too spoilery.

i’ll have some birthday specials for all ROs up as soon as i get my shit together, MC can indulge in a disastrous baking session tho if y’all would like that 🤭

and about V, the orphanage they grew up in was not very love-thy-neighbour type, ironic cause they were all literally catholic but i digress. as a result of that, up until they were adopted, V was exposed to a lot of homophobic and transphobic rhetoric. while they themself never ever held any hatred or prejudice in their heart for those people, the fear-mongering made them scared enough to never show any romantic feeling that weren’t heteronormative.

their moms had to go through a lot of hurdles to even adopt them and the road was not easy. it took them around 3-4 years to get everything approved so they could bring V to america.

while watching their moms and having some sort of progressivity around them has made it much easier for them to not feel like a complete, the religious trauma and guilt is deep and homeboy/homegirl is in denial about their sexuality 😔

[heloflor]

OH COME ON

btw I found a reddit post that sums up my issues with this change perfectly

The issues with Movie Peach: A comparison of portrayals

Ok so I know it’s been literal months since the Mario Movie came out but I’m still a bit salty about the way Peach was portrayed in it, and honestly the more I think about it the more I find flaws in this “adaptation”, and I need to get it all out, hoping talking about it here will help me stop thinking about this shit and finally get over it. If you enjoyed her movie portrayal, good for you and feel free to ignore this post. For the others, here are the things that bother me about it.

(Very long post ahead! A bit over 11k words. It’s "cut" in several parts to make it easier to follow. I also made a Google docs version in case it’s easier to read. Tl;Dr under the cut because Tumblr does weird things due to the length otherwise)

Tl;Dr: Outside of a few personality traits that are the same but expressed differently, which is an issue all main characters in this movie have when compared to their game selves, the main issues with Movie Peach are her body language and the fact they removed the overly kind nature, more or less pacifist nature, wit and softness she has in the games and instead made her confrontational, a competent physical fighter and overly-confident, all of which make her OOC when compared to the games. This is especially insulting given the way Illuminations seems to look down on Games Peach and consider what they did with her in the movie to be an improvement, when Peach’s main issue in the games isn’t her personality but her lack of screentime to make said personality shine.

Setting a few things straight before we start, just to make sure we’re on the same page here:

1. No, it’s not about the pants. While an argument could be made about Peach only wearing pants in outfits that require it (adventurer and farmer in Odyssey, some events in Olympics, Strikers, swordfighter and Kung Fu in Showtime, biker in Kart, her cap/snow/moon outfit in Odyssey and detective in Showtime do have pants in a setting where it’s not necessary but both also give her a long jacket, making it look like she’s wearing more of a dress with long stockings rather than actual pants, same for Olympics ice skating) ultimately there’s absolutely nothing wrong with her wearing pants. Heck, one of her scraped Odyssey outfits has her wearing jeans, and it’s one of her best outfits! Also Showtime might have more outfits with pants that will make this argument null (I mean the concept art for Odyssey kinda already does with the jeans). All this to say, the people who claim Peach was “ruined” because she’s *looks at smudged writing* “wearing a biker outfit on a bike” need to chill tf out.

2. There’s also nothing wrong with the fact she can parkour. In all the games she’s playable, Peach can keep up with Mario without any issue (she does have a slower walking speed in Super Paper and 3D World but it honestly barely matters, and it makes sense given she has a dress). Plus, the movie establishes that she was raised here, so it’s normal for her to have the abilities needed to get around. Now I do take issue with her body language in the training scene (more on that later) and the mention that she first-tried it (I like when characters struggle and grow rather than getting everything right first-hand) but both of those things are unrelated to her platforming abilities. So if you see little to no mention of her being great at it later in the post, it’s because that’s not something I consider out of character for her.

3. I am beyond excited for Princess Peach Showtime. From what we’ve seen so far, this game perfectly encapsulates what makes Peach who she is, and I am so happy that she’s getting her own game again!!! As for the swordfighter and Kung Fu outfits, it’s mentioned later on in the post but yeah it absolutely works with her game personality. Again, the issue isn’t with the outfits, or in that case with some specific abilities that work with what we know of her, the issue is with the personality that goes with it.

4. While the post will likely give the opposite impression, in no way do I consider myself some sort of expert on Peach’s character. This is a character that was created 15 years before I was even born, and I have no rights whatsoever to dictate what Nintendo can or can’t do with their own characters or how they choose to portray them. It’s just that she’s a character I absolutely adored as a kid and, while I’m not sure if she’s currently my favorite Mario character (hesitating between her and Bowser), I’m still incredibly attached to that character and her potential, hence why I care so much. But by the end of the day, I’m just some random weirdo over-analyzing a character from a kid-oriented piece of media.

5. I have no issues with the strong female character archetype, or at least none outside of the common grievance of “stop giving us boring planks of wood with amazing natural abilities and instead give us great characters who happen to kick ass and be badass!”. In fact, was this movie a completely original piece with characters unrelated to Mario, I’d probably enjoy Peach’s character. My issue in this specific case is that this movie is meant as a faithful adaptation of a specific franchise, so you’d expect all the characters to be in character. And while all main characters have some traits that are missing or not exactly the same as their game counterparts (I could make a short post about it if anybody asks), it still works very well for what Illuminations was going for and they’re still recognizable. Peach is the only exception where her character feels very butchered. There’s also the issue that it feels like Illuminations looks down on Peach’s game portrayal and wrote her this way with a desire to “fix” her, when there’s nothing wrong with her in-game personality. More on that later. But yeah, it does feel insulting if they do look down on her game character.

(Also I know this is a whole other discussion but I’m really not a big fan of the way everytime a new female character is created she needs to be called like “girlboss”, “damsel”, “Marie Sue” etc. Can’t a female character just exist without being put in a box, like male characters do (obviously I’m talking outside of fandoms, I know men are put in boxes around here)? Also can’t sweet female characters, strong female characters and anything in-between just exist without people arguing over which ones are “better”? Just let women be women. And while I do understand the issue with how many movies do nothing with their women outside of making them the love interest, which is an issue, by that point we have so much diverse female rep that we should be able to write characters the way we want without having to compensate for the shitty portrayals. You want your female characters to be likable or great role models? Just make them interesting. Give them goals, an arc, interesting relationships, things they’re good at and things they struggle at. And if you want them to be soft and kind and raise a family? Go ahead! You want them to be badass as hell and kill without a sweat instead? Go ahead!

Also last thing about it but I find it pretty crazy how Disney specifically struggles so much nowadays with female characters in live-action. I mean Disney Animations Studios gave is tons of great women, both protagonists and antagonists, all with different personalities (Snow White is childlike and naive, Cinderella refuses to let her situation take her down and remains kind to those “below” her, Ariel is curious and passionate, Jasmine is stubborn and independent, Esmeralda is incredibly selfless while still having no issue standing up for herself, Megara is cynical and sharp, Tiana is determined and hard-working, Mulan is very smart and loves her father so much she’s willing to die protecting him, Rapunzel is spunky and has a natural talent to bring people together, Elsa is shy and introverted, Anna is impulsive and empathetic, Mirabel is probably the most relatable Disney protagonist, the list goes on), heck the Disney Princesses is their most popular brand that they didn’t buy out from the competition, and yet when you look at the remakes and the superheroes movies, they give us the blandest characters, whose “empowerment” messages are the most nothing thing when compared to the original animated movies. Mulan especially is a ridiculously good example of that given how fantastic the message of the original movie was in terms of female empowerment.)

Now, with all that out of the way, let’s get into why I dislike Movie Peach when compared to Games Peach:

1. The two biggest issues with Movie Peach

Starting with one of my two biggest issues but also the shortest to explain: her body language. To go over it quickly, just watch her scenes in the movie while focusing on her body language, mannerisms and facial expressions, and then go to her scenes in the Mario + Rabbids games along with the trailers for Princess Peach Showtime and do the same thing. You’ll quickly notice that Rabbids and Showtime have a very similar Peach, while the Movie gives a completely different vibe. In fact, on body language alone, they come off as two completely different characters.

Now there are small moments where her body language in the Movie works as Peach, such as her reactions when Mario is training or when she’s watching the fight between him and DK (at least when the camera isn’t fully focused on her for that second case). But overall, she’s still very different from the games.

To give more precise examples, notice the way Movie Peach always looks very confident when she’s about to start a fight. In comparison, the first teaser for Showtime opens up with Peach and Stella going on stage, and Peach comes off as someone who isn’t sure if she can do it but is willing to try her absolute best. Basically when I look at Movie Peach her face says “Alright, let’s do this >: )” while Peach in the first Showtime trailer has a face that says “Alright, I can do this”, if that makes more sense.

Then there’s also things like in the first Rabbids games with Peach showing up to the fight floating with her parasol Marry Poppins style. And upon being about to land, Mario extends a hand to help her even though she doesn’t need it, which kind of reminds me of the ending of Super Princess Peach where Mario is the one in distress yet Peach is the one getting carried bridal style by him because that’s just the kind of person she is. I just can’t picture Movie Peach doing the same.

Btw funny thing but while I disagree with the people claiming that Movie Peach is basically Daisy, since Daisy is very aloof about her role as ruler while Movie Peach takes it incredibly seriously, I do believe that Movie Peach’s body language would fit Daisy very well.

I guess it’s also worth mentioning how different her voice sounds in the movie? But then again I watched it in french and only saw some english-dubbed scenes through video reactions, and I can’t say I really care about the og dub enough to take a good listen. That being said, I’m not the biggest fan of her french voice when you compare it to what Peach sounds like (I do think the voice actress did a great job though, regardless of whether or not she sounds like Peach). And looking at trailers in different languages, the German version I believe has a much higher-pitched voice and it does feel a lot more like what Peach sounds like.

Second biggest issue is how great she is in combat and that’s the biggest one for me. Not only did they remove some of Peach’s traits (which we’ll get to in a moment) but they added something that is extremely out of character for her.

In the movie, Peach is a fantastic fighter, especially with hand-to-hand combat. She drop-kicks Mario, would have probably won against DK no problem had she accepted the duel, does a great job defending herself in the Rainbow Road scene, is very quick and agile when confronting Bowser at the wedding, and was single-handedly winning against a whole army, probably would have won had she not gotten distracted. She’s also clearly aware of those abilities, very often smiling during those fights, showing tons of confidence in her abilities.

On top of that, she’s very confrontational. She hears of Bowser being a menace and immediately wants to go to war. When a stranger gets a bit too close for comfort, she attacks. When encouraging her Toads before leaving, her posture when she gets interrupted shows a desire to fight. When they meet the first Kong and he glares at her, she immediately glares back. She also takes a fighting stance when he roars at them. When Bowser approaches, she’s willing to take him out all by herself and later on starts the battle at the altar. All-in-all, fighting is her first solution to pretty much every problem.

Peach in the games, however, is very different. If you look at her relationship with fighting throughout the series, three things will arise:

1. Peach doesn’t like fighting and only does so if there’s no other choice. In Mario 3D Land, she fights back against a pile of Goombas but looks incredibly uncomfortable doing so. In what we’ve seen of Showtime, she cowers when Stella uses her magic on her hair and then looks confused about having to be the hero for a second there.

In Smash Bros Brawl, the one cutscene where she truly shines has her stopping fights left and right and trying to befriend everyone while letting Sheik protect her if needed; she doesn’t even take a fighting stance when Mr. Game and Watch attacks (at least in the cutscene compilation I saw, could have been a glitch where her animation didn’t trigger considering she’s dusting her dress off instead, which looks like an idle animation; note that I haven’t played this game). Btw it’s both very funny and pretty embarrassing for the Movie writers that a fighting game of all things understood Peach’s dislike over fighting better than they did. On that note, this one Ultimate trailer with no music that got memed a lot features Peach and Zelda surrounded by a gust of wind, and while Zelda looks ready to fight, Peach instead gasps and looks at the wind, completely dropping her guard and forgetting about the whole “having to fight” thing.

Then there’s the Mario and Luigi series where she sends the twins to fight her battles, the first Rabbids game where you meet her very early on yet she only becomes playable much later in the game, plus in both Rabbids games she’s a support character whose role is to protect the others (of course she still has an attack like everyone else; also I’m in no way saying that a support character is “lesser”, it’s an essential role in making sure the hard-hitters use their turns to attack rather than heal).

In Paper Mario 64 she also doesn’t fight directly and in the last boss uses her wishes to strengthen Twink, playing support. Even in the Super Mario Adventures Comic, outside of dropkicking on the Koopalings, she never fights directly. When going back to the tower, she threatens to blow it up but doesn’t do anything when Wendy calls her bluff. There’s literally only one panel during the “getting the keys” fight in which she’s visible, and she’s in the background running around and looking surprised!

Oh yeah and while I might be wrong as I’ve only seen it in like, 2 cutscenes, Peach in the Rabbids games doesn’t seem to have a fighting stance, at least outside of cutscenes. So you know how the characters have some small animations, like “thinking” stances or “happy/cheering” stances or “sad” stances, you know the ones? Well in at least two scenes, while everyone is taking a fighting stance, Peach is standing with her mouth open in surprise. I know one of these moments is in the Last Spark Hunter DLC but I couldn’t tell you which is the other cutscene. I’m not even actually sure if it’s true for a second one but also for some reason I remember seeing it at least twice. 🤔 Btw random fun fact but Bowser also doesn’t have a cheering stance, at least not in this DLC.

I also know incredibly little of Super Mario RPG but doesn’t she use magic in this game, and is again the supporting character meant to heal the others?

Also also not sure if this matters much since other characters like Daisy do it too, but in Super Mario Party, and possibly other party games (?), during the minigames that require punching other people, she pushes them instead. You can see she doesn’t use her fist but her palms instead.

Lastly, because it does need to be brought up, yes Peach jumps on enemies without any hesitation in the platformers she’s playable in. This is basically the main reason why I called Peach “more or less pacifist” in the Tl;Dr. And honestly, the only counterargument I can give is the fact that those aren’t really fights, at least outside of bosses. You’re just kind of hopping on enemies’ heads and then they disappear. But in games that are more focused on the fight itself like the RPGs or the Smash cutscenes, Peach tends to either be less comfortable with fighting or have more of a supporting role.

Now, I could also point out how the vast majority of platformers Peach is playable in are co-op games (Bros 2 USA, 3D World, Super Paper, Wonder), and the stories of those games imply the whole group is going on an adventure together, meaning it’s possible Peach does less fighting and more exploring for example, leaving Mario and Luigi to do most of the fighting. And while this is an idea I like to explore in fics, I don’t want to diminish Peach’s abilities here. Plus Super Princess Peach and Showtime prove that she doesn’t hesitate when on her own.

And yes I know the real reason why she doesn’t hesitate in the platformers is because people want to be able to play as her and it’d be stupid to have a character who doesn’t have the basic abilities literally every character has, so it has less to do with her personality and more to do with gameplay. The RPGs on the other hand assign different abilities and roles to different characters, so they can make Peach the healer/support as a means to make her an active character while keeping her personality intact. Still, for the sake of argument and to avoid being a hypocrite, I consider the platformers as proof that she can fight directly when she needs to, with the RPGs and Smash cutscenes showing that this might not be her preferred choice.

All this to say, Peach is not much of a fighter. If she can prevent a fight, she will choose the more peaceful option. She’d also rather have other people fight instead of her or play support for them. But if it all comes down to it, she will fight. She’d rather not, but she will if needed.

2. Peach doesn’t know how to fight. Now this might be a flimsier argument but bear with me here. Basically, the first time I thought of this was due to the 86 anime and Adventures Comic, both of which have her defend herself using furniture, which does give the impression that she doesn’t know how to fight so she does the second best thing: throwing heavy shit to at least do some damage.

But even with those aside, Peach is definitely one to use unusual weapons. In Super Princess Peach and a few other games, she fights with a parasol. Her gun in Rabbids 2 is even shaped like a parasol. In Super Mario RPG, from what I’ve heard/seen, she uses a frying pan. And while I don’t know her Smash moveset, looking at her character descriptions from the wiki, the Smash games keep mentioning her using said frying pan along with turnips, her parasol, sports gear and Toad as a shield, with her hand-to-hand combat being her kicking while in the air. I also know what her final smash sort of looks like with the way the screen changes to look like a Peach-themed frame (and I think I remember hearing that peaches fall off the sky but don’t quote me on that).

She also uses magic, mostly star/wish-related magic, which seems to be healing magic for the most part? On that note, her specials in the sport games tend to be heart-shaped. And while it’s definitely undermined by the swordfighter and Kung Fu outfits, her main means to defend herself in Showtime is a ribbon. And who knows, maybe we’ll get some other wacky ways to attack in other transformations?

So yeah, overall, Peach doesn’t seem like someone who knows how to fight. She just holds onto an object that she’s comfortable with and wacks people with it. In a way, it goes with what’s said in the previous part. In platforming games, she jumps on enemies just like everybody else. But when it comes to more hand-related combat, Showtime is seemingly the first time where she’s getting some abilities on that front.

Now, there is the argument that Showtime is all a play, meaning her abilities are her playing a role. But I do think that, regardless if this is a play or not, her physical abilities in this game do come from her. So even if the fights are “scripted” to an extent, she’s still capable of executing those moves. Same deal with the possible argument that Stella might be giving her those powers/boosting her. Peach still is capable of doing them on her own, unless we’re explicitly told in-game that Stella gave her those abilities and Peach wouldn’t be able to do them without her. But then this would undermine her baking and detective skills, and we know how much Peach loves baking. Guess we’ll just have to wait and see once the game comes out.

3. Peach is physically weak, much more so than what the movie shows. This is actually why I saw her Smash descriptions because I went to the wiki pages for all the sport games to check her stats. And in all the games showing said stats, her strength is almost always below average, sometimes by a little, other times by a lot, with quite a few instances having her as one of the physically weakest characters. I can only remember one exception where her strength was around the same level as everyone else. Everything else, she’s below.

For those curious about which stats I used to check on that: every game that has a “strength” stat, I checked it. As for the others, for the golf games I looked for the ball distance a throw gives as it seems like the one that would require the most strength, and for some Strikers games it was the shooting stat. I didn’t take Mario Kart into consideration as I don’t think there’s anything in that series that would count (even weight doesn’t really have anything to do with it), and the baseball games were a bit more complicated. By that I mean that Peach in Sluggers for example (at least I think it was Sluggers) has a bad stat as a hitter, but good at pitcher. And both of those positions require physical strength I believe? Unless Nintendo considers pitcher as more of a technique-related skill and hitter as more strength-related? But yeah, just leaving this here in case it’s relevant. Literally the one time I don’t spend time looking at the other characters’ stats to see what they have in comparison, it’s the one time where I’m not sure what it means in terms of strength.

(Speaking of which, because I found those interesting, know that Mario is always the most balanced character, Luigi tends to be not as strong as his brother but has more agility than him, Bowser is always one of the strongest, DK and Wario swap between which one has the same strength stat as Bowser and which one is a bit weaker depending on the game, Daisy is a fast character in the Olympics games which I find funny considering Mario Kart Wii, and Waluigi tends to be on the weaker end due to being lanky apparently.)

And outside of the sports games, one of her Smash Melee descriptions calls her one of the weakest characters physically, and how using her is a test of endurance (again, a literal fighting game gets it), while that one long gone Doctor Mario mobile game has her attack stat in combat mode be at its lowest, while her defense on the other hand is pretty good (haven’t played this game actually, just stumbled across the page and looked up some stats, funny how well they’re tied to the sport games, like with Mario being balanced, Bowser having the most attack etc).

Now there might be more examples I’m forgetting, but all-in-all, there’s a pattern of Peach being weak when it comes to physical strength. And on unrelated news, the part of me that headcanon her as a Toad is very happy about that fact.

2. Other personality differences

And speaking of patterns! Here’s something the movie removed from Game Peach: her wit. Peach in the games is smart, resourceful and quick-witted. And while it’s not something the games really focus on, it’s absolutely there.

In all those sports games I mentioned, there’s one stat that’s always her highest, and that’s her technique. In all the games that have a stat called technique, she has the highest one. In almost all the games that don’t have stats but just put the characters in categories based on their abilities (all-around, strength, technique, speed etc), she’s put in the technique box, with only like one exception in an Olympics game that puts her in the speed category, switching with Daisy. In strikers, the golf games, the tennis games, and likely the baseball games, her best stats are the ones related to her control over the ball, which I’d argue is the most related to technique (don’t remember the exact names of the stats but it was something along the lines of passing the ball, giving effect to the ball, choosing the trajectory of the balls and being pitcher respectively). One of the Olympics games I believe even calls her quick-witted.

On that note, I like to think that this is why she makes for a great swordfighter and Kung Fu artist in Showtime, as those are skills that require a lot of technique and she’s good at picking up on it (also is there an Olympics games that has a fencing challenge that she’s playable in? Because that could explain it too).

As for outside of the sport games, you have the 86 Anime where she manages to outsmart Bowser though she doesn’t get away with it, the Adventures Comic with her outsmarting the Koopalings and even managing to escape the tower by making fast decisions on where to run to and using Wendy’s possessions against her (granted she got lucky with the cape, but still), Paper Mario 64 with her sneaking around the castle finding info to help Mario, same deal with Thousand Years Door (from what I’ve seen of it), Superstar Saga with her switcharoo plan, Partners in Time with her quickly grabbing the star against Elder Princess Shroobs, Dream Team with her and Toadsworth going through a few trials on their own (plus, depending on when she got captured, she might have been the one to think of hiding with Madame Broque), Showtime with the detective outfit, all the games where she’s able to send Mario items (like Galaxy) or attempts to run away (3D Land), and overall she’s seen as a great Princess loved by her Toads, which is a role that requires a lot of thinking to take the best decisions for her people.

On the other hand, Movie Peach lacks this wit. While she does have a lot of technique given how much she can do physically, she lacks the smart decisions that Games Peach is able to do. Or at least, she doesn’t think things through like, at all. I mean if you look at her decisions one by one:

- She intended on traveling to meet the Kongs all on her own, going on a fairly dangerous adventure without a single person in tow. The only reason she went with others was because Mario showed up.

- She meets that completely random guy that broke into her castle and is immediately willing to take him on said difficult journey after one day of seeing him train, all because he looks like her (this is the main reason why I would’ve loved to have Toadsworth in the movie, he could’ve told her not to go alone, thus giving an excuse as to why she would take Mario with her).

- When Cranky refuses to land his army, she just doubles down on what she just said. While her arguments make sense, she clearly didn’t know what to say and had no backup plan in case he refused, and only got the army due to Mario’s impulsiveness (granted I think she could’ve taken DK in a fight). And while yes, she’s surprised when Cranky first accepts, meaning she might have expected him to disagree, the fact she says “that’s it?” makes it seem more like she expected a deal rather than a direct approval. She didn’t come off as someone who expected him to say no, but instead expected a conditional yes and didn’t consider what to do in case of refusal.

- When Bowser arrives, she intends to face him alone, literally getting surrounded by Koopas the second Bowser steps out of his ship. Then she tells him to use the star now. She basically sent herself on a suicide mission here, and clearly decided to face him without any sort of plan. Was she hoping her looking badass and all would be enough to deter him or something???

- The wedding scheme. Now, this one is fine overall and does show she can come up with plans, but also a few people have pointed out how there could have been alternatives. She could’ve tried talking Bowser out of the sacrifices, try to accept the marriage and bide some time in order to strike when there isn’t a fricking army standing right next to her. But instead, she chose to blow up the whole thing, which was a crazy dangerous plan. It also showcases what I was saying about her being confrontational, when this is the first thing she can think of. Now of course, in the end it was the best idea due to Bowser wishing to sacrifice other people, meaning she needed to act now. But with the context of Peach not knowing about said sacrifices, it means she still intended on doing the most dangerous thing first rather than getting the marriage over with and destroying Bowser’s empire from the inside. Heck had she waited until after the marriage she could’ve gotten access to the Star during the night or something. Also, again, there’s no telling how Bowser would’ve responded had she asked him to spare those lives, at least for the time being.

So overall, while I wouldn’t call Movie Peach an idiot as she’s not, she isn’t that smart either. She keeps rushing into dangerous situations thinking her fighting abilities will be enough to solve the issue, exercising none of the caution and patience Games Peach has when trying to escape or snooping around. And it honestly sucks that Illuminations decided to take out what is arguably one of Peach’s biggest strengths and replace it with another type of strength that not only she doesn’t need but also goes against her character.

Now, before we get into the last thing bothering me, which is her kindness or lack thereof, I’d like to talk about a few minor traits that could’ve worked in the kindness part but can also be talked about separately. Those things are her snark/sass, her seriousness and her anger. Basically, those are traits that both Movie Peach and Games Peach possess, and as a result it doesn’t bother me when Movie Peach displays those.

Peach in the games can be sassy at times, especially in the competitive games. That sassiness can also be turned into playfulness a few times, like in Superstar Saga when she trolls Mario and Luigi about her voice and laughs about it, or during the escort mission where she makes comments about how “it wasn’t that bad” when you exit an area.

Like Movie Peach, she’s also fairly serious during dangerous situations. It’s just that, due to her personality, she expresses a lot of worry in those situations, which might take away some of her seriousness when compared to her movie self.

As for her anger, boy is it present in the games, but again it comes off as toned down due to her inherent softness. In the 86 Anime, she’s constantly talking back against Bowser and gets mad at him a lot, same for Paper Mario 64. In Super Paper Mario, it’s easy to get her angry. In the ending of Odyssey, she’s pissed off, and I actually love how when she gets on the ship she needs to take a deep breath to calm down enough to bring back a smile for Mario. That doesn’t mean she isn’t angry anymore, but again she’s incredibly kind and compassionate so she’s willing to put it on the side for now and focus on getting home. Also in the intro of Super Princess Peach, she’s absolutely furious after reading Bowser’s letter.

About her anger, I can’t help but wonder if this is what Miyamoto meant in an interview related to the movie where he apparently claimed that Movie Peach is how he’d always wanted her character to be. Because let’s be real here, this claim, if true, is corporate bullshit. Miyamoto has a lot of power at Nintendo, he could’ve made Peach like that from the get-go if that’s what he’d always wanted. Hell just look at Showtime where Peach is the same as she’s always been in the games, very much proving that claim is false. So again, I can’t help but wonder if by that claim, Miyamoto meant her temper. Or maybe he was referring to the Adventures Comic, which is the only version outside of the movie in which Peach is confrontational, but then again she doesn’t know how to fight in that comic so…

I’d also like to talk about her confidence, since earlier I mentioned how overly-confident Movie Peach is in her fighting abilities compared to the games. Now, that’s not to say Peach isn’t a confident person, far from it. In fact, there’s that character pic from the second Rabbids games showing off her weapon and her smile makes her look very confident (that pic is at the very end of that post btw, if by then you remember this part). But despite her confidence Games Peach definitely comes off as a very humble person, while Movie Peach is low-key showing off during those fight/platforming scenes.

All this to say, if you praise the movie for “giving” Peach those traits, she actually always had them. It’s just expressed differently in the games. This is also what I meant in the intro when saying how all the characters are a bit off when compared to their games selves, but it still works for the most part. The traits are there, but in a different way that does make it seem weird while still making the characters recognizable. The issue with Peach specifically is that they went further than just changing a few traits.

Also because I don’t know where else to put it, Peach in the games is definitely a lot softer and delicate than her Movie counterpart, but I consider this mostly linked to body language, hence why I’m not making a whole part about this. But it’s definitely something the movie is lacking about her.

There's also her stubbornness and love for baking, but those are also things I don’t really want to focus on. Given the situation the characters are in and the fact Illuminations doesn’t know how to write scenes where characters just sit down and talk, there really wasn’t any opportunity to have Movie Peach talk about cakes. Now I do believe that this lack is due to Illuminations considering Peach’s love for baking as “making her weak and feeble”, but again, even if it wasn’t the case the movie has a pacing issue so they couldn’t have talked about this anyways.

As for the stubbornness, I just don’t really have any example in mind and don’t really know how to explain it as a result, but I do believe that both the movie and games selves have it. I might actually be inclined to say Games Peach is more stubborn, but again I don’t really have any examples of that. I mean I guess there’s the Mario and Luigi series where she disregards Toadsworth’s concerns a few times (wanting to see the Toad village in Superstar Saga, using the time-travel machine in PiT, the intro of Dream Team with the trap door). From the little I’ve seen of it, Paper Mario TTYD also has her go against his wishes at the beginning?

Now, for the last difference between the two: her kindness. Peach in the games is one of the kindest sweetest people you’ll ever meet. I think I remember someone actually mentioning how her liking cakes so much is fitting given her personality, as cakes are sweet and soft and bring a smile to your face, just like she does (sadly I can’t remember where I read this, whether it was a tumblr post, a youtube comment, something said in a video or something else). And while Movie Peach is definitely kind, it’s not as much as Games Peach. Hell whenever I see people praise Movie Peach for her kindness, they say something along the lines of how the strong female character archetype usually doesn’t make women be this nice. So what Movie Peach is clearing is actually a very low bar of human decency that people were asking for. In other words, Movie Peach is nice the same amount a basic supporting character should be nice.

In comparison, Games Peach really is kind to a fault. She’s always warm and welcoming to any new person, is said in one of her Melee trophies to be such a forgiving person she’s willing to play against Bowser, which is a sentiment you can also see with the few times they’ve worked together, also that one cutscene in the Last Spark Hunter DLC where the Rabbids go to Bowser for comfort and when he lets that happen Peach gives him the softest smile. Even in games like Mario Odyssey where Bowser is trying to forcefully marry her, she seems to show concern for him after he’s defeated in the Cloud Kingdom. On that note, she’s also very nice to Junior, despite how awkward it might be for her (never raises her voice on him in Sunshine, has over 80% compatibility with him in the Gamecube Baseball game, plays with him in one of the Switch Online ads/explanations).

Also as mentioned before she’s willing to temporarily let go of her anger at the end of Odyssey to call Mario to come to the ship. I also made a post about four instances where Peach jumped into a dangerous situation without thinking because other people were in danger, whether she knew those people or not + whether they were good or bad people. Btw since earlier I mentioned how Movie Peach lacked wit compared to Games Peach, those four moments show that yes, Games Peach can be impulsive at times and do things without thinking them through, but those instances are specifically related to her kindness/desire to help others, unlike Movie Peach who just does what she think is best in the moment and never plans anything. Also ironic I bring back the wit since I consider Peach’s kindness to be her second biggest strength, on par with said wit.

On that note, I’m one of those people who make up animations in my mind while listening to music and recently was listening to Wander Over Yonder songs thinking about Mario (“I’m the Bad Guy” with the Shadow Queen tho, or “You’re the Greatest Reprise” with Kamek, Bowser, Luigi and Mario when taking the order of which characters speak/sing first, also you have no idea how much I hope someone will make an animatic of Bowser singing “You’re the Greatest”). And the funny thing is, while thinking of voices and how the actor for Wander would fit either Mario or Luigi very well, it got me thinking of how both properties have a very nice/positive cast where even the villains can be friends from time to time, and I ended up comparing Mario with Wonder and realize that Wonder is actual pretty similar to Peach in some ways.

Both Wander and Peach are people who value friendship and understanding over fighting. They both love helping others, though it’s a lot more amplified with Wander, and are both willing to give the villains a shot at redemption, perhaps a bit too much, trying to see the best in people. Now what’s interesting here is that, while Peach is intelligent and her governing a Kingdom shows a level of maturity, at times she comes off as naive or airheaded, and I can’t help but feel like her kindness is the reason for it, and comparing it with Wander explains it.

The short version is, if both of them received an invitation from their respective villain claiming they were willing to change their ways, both would happily accept and go meet the villain with a smile. The difference however is that Wander would have Sylvia looking out for him, ready to jump in any moment. While Wander will play dumb on the possibility of the villain setting up a trap, he’ll be very much aware of said possibility and will be able to escape it. Peach on the other hand will drop all defenses and completely fall for the trap.

And I think that’s the thing with Peach’s kindness, and why she comes off as naive. Unlike someone like Wander who keeps a level of realism over the villains’ intentions and plays dumb about it, Peach believes the best of everyone to a fault. I’m especially thinking of that scene in the Switch Tennis game, with Wario and Waluigi showing up and half-collapsing, leading Peach to immediately run to them, ready to help, forcing a Toad to step in and tell her to be careful. Peach knows that Wario and Waluigi are bad news, yet the second they’re shown in trouble, she forgets all about the possible danger and wants to help, straight up needing someone else to remind her of said danger. In a way, it reminds me of that statement Miyamoto once made about how easy it could be to capture Peach by just giving her cake. While I’m not the biggest fan of this statement as it comes off as mocking her character, when you think about it, there is some truth to it.

Now I guess we kinda went off-topic here but also it’s a good way to show the way Peach expresses her kindness in the games, and how the movie failed to convey that. Games Peach sees the best in everyone, to a point where it can become a flaw, while Movie Peach is a lot more guarded (see her attacking Mario when he got close or her body language around the first Kong they meet). Also, Games Peach is someone who doesn’t seem able to hate anyone, though it is mentioned in I believe a Mario and Luigi game that she hates Bowser. Even then, I don’t remember said hate being really conveyed. Don’t get me wrong, Games Peach can very much be mad at someone and/or dislike them, and I do believe she doesn’t have the best opinion of Bowser, but she never comes off as outright hating anybody. Movie Peach on the other hand absolutely hates Bowser. Just look at her face when he tries to flirt with her. There’s nothing but contempt in her eyes.

3. In defense of Princess Peach

Lastly, I want to expand a bit on that whole “Illuminations looking down on Peach’s character” thing and the way people see Peach in general, along with talking about how I feel about some of her portrayals because why not.

Thing is, to an extent, I get it. Peach’s character origin is rooted in sexism, with her being meant as the damsel in distress who’s constantly helpless. She was definitely meant as a character of her time, and I get why some might find her boring as a result.

But the thing is, even with that origin in mind, Peach has always been more than that. Literally one insignificant year after the first Super Mario Bros game, we had the 86 Anime which gave her a personality. And then we had Mario Bros 2 USA where she was a playable character, one of the earliest playable female human characters in gaming (she wasn’t the first but still definitely pretty early). And while the mainline games kept a status quo of her being captured, we had the Adventures Comic with her being able to escape all on her own, the Mario Kart series with her being playable in every single one of them, same deal for the sports and Party games. She was playable in Smash starting with Melee, she was playable in the first two Mario RPGs (Super Mario RPG and Paper 64). Despite her role as damsel in distress, she was far from being put on the side when it came to non-mainline games. She even got her own platformer where she had to save Mario!

In some small ways, Peach actually reminds me of Luigi. He was player two in tons of games and absent in almost all big 3D games, meaning most players didn’t get to play as him in the majority of mainline games unless they played in multiplayer. Or he was playable but under specific conditions (pushing buttons in the right order for Mario Bros DS, finishing the main story and doing one special world in Mario 3D Land, literally finishing the game 100% in Mario Galaxy 1). And the first time he had his own game, it was in the early 2000s, less than 5 years before Super Princess Peach (granted Luigi’s Mansion was apparently a console launch title, which is a bigger deal; also no I’m not including that Mario is Missing shit), and it took forever to get sequels. And while he was playable in the Mario and Luigi series, he’s barely playable in the Paper series, neither is he in RPG.

Overall, while he does have much more playable appearances than Peach, a lot of it is conditional in the mainline games and he definitely struggled to get recognition, to the point of it becoming a recurring joke in the Mario and Luigi series + Nintendo made a whole “Year of Luigi” event to compensate for his lack of time under the spotlight.

As for personality, Luigi is shy and quiet, easily frightened, and often gets himself in trouble, with a few games needing you to save him. He looks up to Mario for safety and confidence and relies on him a lot, Mario basically being his rock. So you can definitely draw some parallels between him and Peach.

Now where am I getting with those parallels? Basically thinking about it, it does bother me a bit that Luigi gets praised for being an adorable dork while Peach is called bland and boring for expressing rather similar traits/being in the same situation, and I say that as someone who absolutely adores Luigi! In the end, I’m just going to assume it’s due to the weird hatred against women some gamers and fandom spaces have for some reason.

Speaking of which, since people claim to have an issue with Peach’s personality and how bland she is and how the movie “gave her a personality”, I’d argue that there’s nothing wrong with her character, the issue is her lack of screentime.

The best example of that is with Smash Bros Brawl. For most of the cutscenes, she’s getting captured left and right and is basically a non-character. But then there’s that cutscene on the ship where she takes the spotlight, and that scene is great! It’s incredibly fun to see that character during a huge crisis just pulling out tea out of nowhere and generally being more focused on befriending people than protecting herself. Seriously, while I strongly dislike how little agency Peach has in this story, I absolutely love this scene! Btw can we get some justice for Zelda? No because if Peach got shafted by the story, Zelda got it even worse. Even as a kid I could tell from her design that she could’ve done more to help, but instead the only time she actually does something, it’s as Sheik. Girl is clearly able to fight for herself yet she’s useless for the whole thing, it sucks!

The second best example is with the first Paper Mario trilogy, which is also probably my favorite version of Peach. The first game especially did a wonderful job at showing that just because Peach is captured doesn’t mean she has to stand around and do nothing, she can still help. This idea of having interludes with her sneaking around the castle does wonders for her character and really helps in making her personality shine, from her kindness to her wit to her adventurous side to her ability to put her foot down when interacting with Bowser.

Another thing I really like about it is how much it puts some of the kidnappings into perspective. In Paper 64, she finds items by sneaking around and then sends them to Mario. Hey remember the few games where she manages to send letters with one-ups and other items? Same with Mario 3D Land where she’s put in some sort of dungeon, tries to escape, and is put in a cage under high surveillance. Notice how in most New Bros games she’s in a cage when you reach Bowser’s castle, implying all those instances might have been failed attempts to escape.

Basically, while Peach doesn’t get much screentime, some games kind of makes you realize that she does a lot more than you’d think. She tries to get away, she tries to find ways to help Mario. She doesn’t just sit there and lament like many claim. Heck you can also see it in the 86 Anime and Adventures Comic. And reminder that the anime was created one year after the first Super Mario game!

Now the last example I have of Peach suffering from lack of screentime is with the Mario and Luigi series which, outside of the 2023 Movie, is probably my least favorite version of the character, not due to her personality but due to how wasted she is. And between those games being RPGs, meaning they’re supposed to focus on the characters, and the fact that the first Paper Mario games did such a good job with her character, the lack of screentime in those games is particularly aggravating.

In Superstar Saga, she’s actually pretty great! She’s fun, we see her kindness, playfulness, wit and desire for adventure shine. I especially like the way we see her craving for more adventures but can’t go on her own due to how defenseless she is. As someone who made a timeline of the games and has the first Paper trilogy + all the platformers with Peach playable taking place after this series, it’s a great way to slowly set up Peach’s growth into someone who can eventually go on her own adventures as a hero. Honestly the only issue I really have with Peach in that game is the game itself making a joke out of her getting kidnapped all the time. Not the greatest example of meta humor, guys...

I’ve also seen about half of Dream Team and she’s fine in it. I like how they brought back her thirst for adventures. But unlike Superstar Saga, she does feel more like a plot device in this one. Like there’s this whole section where Bowser and Antasma got the dream stone and Starlow is making a big deal about them kidnapping Peach, leading you to try and hide her. Thing is, if it was any other villain, I’d understand the urgency, but this is Bowser we’re talking about here. Peach is going to be fine, why are we wasting our time hiding her when we could focus on the bigger picture!

And even before that there’s this whole section of finding an older Pillow to reach Antasma for no other reason than Peach getting captured, because apparently they couldn’t think of any other excuse to have us meet the main villain, or give a reason for Bowser to show up for that matter. So yeah, the way they used her in Dream Team does make her feel like more of an object than a person, at least past the intro of the game.

But then we get to Partners in Time and Bowser’s Inside Story, and oh boy do I hate what they did with her. In PiT, you could literally take her out of the story and nothing of importance would change. The missing time machine? Just have the whole crew be Toads, it’s enough motivation for Mario. Petey Piranha? Either put a Toad, Kylie Koopa (and remove her scene later on) or even Baby Bowser, I mean why not! Princess Shroobs’ fake-out? Either keep that whole thing in since it’s technically not Peach (just have the characters comment on how she’s supposed to be on vacation or something and how weird it is that she’s there but oh well we gotta protect her) or, if you consider that cheating, just remove the scene and find a better excuse to have Bowser show up and go to the volcano. Or have Shroobs disguise herself as someone else, that’s still a possibility. As for the scene explaining who Elder Shroobs is? Was Peach even necessary in this scene? I mean, it’s pretty obvious what happened, and Elder Princess Shroobs could even explain it herself while gloating. I swear when I saw a let’s play of this game and Princess Shroobs commented on Peach now being useless to her, my first thought was “She was useful to you? Didn’t you try to kill her like an hour ago?”

As for Bowser’s Inside Story, she’s nothing more than a plot device. What does she do in that game? 1. Gives exposition about the Blorbs. 2. Is in danger as a means to motivate Mario. 3. Gives exposition about the Dark Star. 4. Is in danger as a means to motivate Bowser. Oh and did I forget to mention that she’s unconscious for the latter half of the game? Peach in that game could straight-up be replaced with a non-sentient magical item and the plot would stay the same. And I honestly don’t know what’s more insulting between that and what PiT did.

All-in-all, the issue with Peach isn’t her character, it’s the lack of time devoted to her. When she has enough room to be a character, she’s great! When she doesn’t, she’s either boring or a plot device, and it sucks that this is what most people remember her for when she has more going on than just getting kidnapped.

And since I’m out there giving my opinion on Peach’s different appearances throughout the franchise (you can skip directly to the conclusion if you want, this part is pretty off-topic):

My views on the first Paper Mario trilogy and the Mario and Luigi games are explained enough I think.

I also really like how she’s depicted in the 86 Anime. I like how she keeps standing up for herself against Bowser and talking back to him, on top of the usual being kind to Mario and co + her trying to be smart to escape. For Bowser, it’s like early on she realized he’s not going to raise his hands on her, so she’s free to fight back as much as she wants, even if she doesn’t have the abilities to get out of there by herself. Idk, while the Anime itself isn’t all that amazing (it’s pretty funny in how bonkers it is though), I really like what they did with both Peach and Bowser. And it’s pretty fascinating how their modern personalities aren’t that far off from this very early portrayal.

The Mario + Rabbids games also absolutely nail Peach’s character. It’s honestly kinda crazy when you think about it that both the 2023 movie and Sparks of Hope were being developed at the same time, both worked on by a different company that Nintendo had some level over but ultimately mostly gave advice to, and yet the movie struggles to depict the characters properly while Ubisoft did a ridiculously good job at it. Seriously, remember earlier when I said every character in the movie was a bit off? If you want to see a comparison, go see the cutscenes of the Rabbids games. And even if you don’t care about characterization, still do yourself a favor and go watch those cutscenes, they’re amazing!

The Adventures Comic is an interesting one. While she’s very provocative and willing to fight, she also doesn’t know how to do so, and it makes her scenes very funny. Like I love how in the beginning she rants about how she’s going to defend her kingdom, then the next time we see her she gets attacked by Lakitus and gets kidnapped. Girl lasted 10 seconds out there. That contrast of her being all bark but no bite is just very funny, and it fits well with how comedic the story is overall. Also, the way she’s so willing to act is probably why people remember her as a badass in it. Because she does talk like a badass, but she’s not one because her actions don’t follow suit. Still, I don’t take that comic much seriously so Peach is definitely very fun in it, and that’s enough for me. And again, that comic does a good job at showing that Peach’s biggest strength isn’t her ability to fight, it’s her wit and good heart, shown respectively with her tower escape and her constant desire to actively help.

Also, about this comic and how people see it, even outside of the fact they’re not the same as she doesn’t know how to fight in it, I find it really weird that this comic is used as proof that Movie Peach is in character, considering how 1. Before the movie, this comic was the only time in over dozens of portrayals that Peach was shown as confrontational; in statistics we call that an outlier, 2. This comic was made in the 90s, you’d think a more recent portrayal could be used as proof but nope, Luigi’s Mansion 3 and Showtime are still different from her comic and even more so her movie self, and 3. That comic is outdated anyways considering the Koopalings are said to be Bowser’s kids in it, so unless Nintendo came back on their words after re-releasing this comic in the late 2010s, it’s still outdated.

The mainline games are...the mainline games. I’d also put the second Paper Mario trilogy and Luigi’s Mansion 3 in the same basket. When she’s on-screen, Peach is her usual sweet self, but those games also suffer from barely giving her any time to shine. I do enjoy her depiction in games like Odyssey, Mansion 3 and the intro of 3D World (mostly because those cutscenes are cute), but again all those games definitely suffer from having her on the back-burner for pretty much the whole thing, and are the main reason why people dislike her character.

I also can’t help but wonder if Sunshine is the reason why she’s seen as a “dumb bimbo” by some people, especially given the “Mama Peach” trainwreck of a cutscene. And I will say, Peach definitely feels very meek in this game. She clearly can tell that something’s off, yet she barely insists on telling Mario and Toadsworth. You’d think a princess would be more assertive than that, especially when the Mario and Luigi games show that she’s not afraid to go against Toadsworth’s wishes.

Going back to the kidnapping issue, ultimately I don’t think there’s anything inherently wrong with her being kidnapped, especially when it’s impossible in the mainline games to beat Bowser directly without a power up (the intro of Odyssey straight-up shows that Mario can’t win against Bowser in a fist fight) meaning it’s normal for Peach to be unable to fight back easily. Bowser is incredibly powerful all things considered (enormous physical strength, fire breath, every part of his body is a weapon, can use magic, necromancer, can jump incredibly high, has an army at his disposal, his car clown heavily negates his slow walking speed), to the point where even Mario and Luigi are kidnapped sometimes (Super Princess Peach, 3D Land for Luigi, and while it’s not Bowser, Luigi’s Mansion for Mario too). This also all kind of leads into a message about working better together or how it’s okay to ask for help, which reminds me of that Tumblr post about how Mario never travels alone.

That being said, Nintendo should definitely either do something similar to Paper 64 (or at least what 3D Land did with the letters showing her try to escape, that’s already a start), either have her only kidnapped in specific games like the big 3D games the same way Luigi isn’t playable in almost all of those, or reinforce her role in other Mario series like making Showtime the first of several games + bring her back under the spotlight in the Paper Mario series. Again, when thinking of Luigi and his time under the spotlight, you can definitely do a similar work-around where she still gets kidnapped in some games while being playable in others, whether those others are different game series or for example around half of the upcoming 2D platformers.

And call me an ass for that but, while I’d love to have her playable in almost if not every 2D platformer, I still maintain that the big 3D games should keep having her getting kidnapped. Again, outside of Galaxy (and even then for the first one it was very conditional), Luigi doesn’t show up in those either. And if you maintain a good balance between her being kidnapped in the big 3D games + a handful of 2D platformers all while making her a major character in the RPGs and even getting her own series, you’re basically keeping the status quo of the kidnappings all while removing the issue of a lack of screentime.

(Note that my main “issue” with having less kidnappings has to do with Bowser’s character. If Bowser doesn’t kidnap Peach, you need another excuse for him to be the villain. And given how his crush on Peach, the main reason why he kidnaps her, is the first thing used to make him more of a softie which I love him being, I don’t want to see him do more and more messed up things all while his crush gets forgotten. Then again, him being a dad is currently the main thing Nintendo uses to make him a softie, and Origami King still showcased his crush despite him being a teammate, with the two upcoming RPG remakes following the same trend)

Not very much to say about her depiction in the sports and party games. The characters don’t exactly have much personalities here, so other than more proof on how her body language should be, there isn’t really anything to say in terms of “I like/dislike the way they portrayed this character”...also I don’t own a single sports game and only have like 3 party games (DS, Island Tour and Super) so outside of watching the cutscenes there’s not much I know about those games.

Conclusion

Finally, a few closing thoughts about this whole thing, and more specifically the fact that one of my two biggest issues is her fighting abilities. Thing is, when you look at her jumping on enemies in the platformer games, her abilities in the sport games, the fact she’s in Smash and the upcoming Showtime game, it’s very easy to disprove my arguments, since Games Peach very much knows how to defend herself. And while I maintain that she’s not that great of a fighter in the games compared to the movie and is more of a pacifist, I understand this view. And thinking about it more, I think the true issue with her movie self is the attitude Illuminations has about it.

As said much earlier, it feels like Illuminations doesn’t like Peach in the games. I also think I’ve seen somewhere that her VO made a comment in an interview about finally giving Peach some personality, something along those lines? Then there’s also the supposedly original script where Peach was the main character, and how Nintendo told Illuminations to rewrite it upon reading it.

And even outside of the production info, that disdain over her Games character is all over the movie. Toad keeps hyping her up, along with other characters. During the training montage, when she does the demonstration, the camera slows down to show just how “cool” and “badass” she is. You get the vibe that, even if Mario wasn’t here, she still would’ve gotten the Kong army and taken on Bowser all by herself. There really are moments where it feels like the movie is going “Hey look at what we did with Peach! Isn’t she awesome! Isn’t she so much better than that wimp that keeps getting captured!” The best example of that is when she saves Toad on Rainbow Road. Like, this was the worst offender for me.

Princess Peach Showtime, on the other hand, gets who Peach is. The intro shows her going on a stroll with her little pink parasol. She cowers when Stella uses magic on her. And while she has a swordfighter and Kung Fu outfits, said outfits are given just as much importance as her baking and detective outfits, the former showcasing the one hobby Peach has been into for years, and the latter showing off her intelligence. And even outside of those outfits, her main attack is magic, more specifically a cute little pink ribbon. Also, like mentioned way earlier, the fact that it takes place on a stage gives the impression that Peach is playing roles, though again it doesn’t diminish her abilities.

I think that’s why I can’t stand her fight-oriented attitude in the movie but can’t wait to play Showtime. The movie looks down on Peach’s character and feels the need to “improve” it by changing many things about her, while Showtime embraces who she is and simply expands on it by giving her a more action-oriented role with the abilities she already possesses. I think that’s also why her body language in the movie bothers me, as it goes into that direction of “making her stronger” by removing her mannerisms. Now, again, there are a few more things other than her fighting abilities that they did wrong with her character, there’s a reason this post is so long after all. But by the end of it, I think it really comes down to how much disdain Illuminations has for Peach.

And on that note, you have no idea how relieved I was when the first trailer for Showtime dropped and Peach was her normal self! While I know the movie is going to get sequels, meaning we’ll keep seeing this random badass woman cosplaying as Peach, it’s at least very relieving to know Nintendo is going to keep writing Peach the way they’ve always done. And I can’t wait to see what Nintendo got in store for this wonderful, adorable, hyperfeminine, incredibly kind, witty, soft, cake-loving pink Princess!

Thanks for reading!

(All pictures were taken from the Mario Wiki except the first one that’s from the 86 Anime and the Mario Odyssey one)

[mirrorball-leclerc]

paint the town red - part two

PRESEASON TESTING + EMOTIONAL SUPPORT DOGS

series masterlist

AN INTERVIEW WITH FERRARI'S NEW TEAM

scuderiaferrari posted a new story

i don't think bahrain is ready for the new and improved ferarri. let's get pre-season testing over with to show people what we're made of!

liked by arthur_leclerc, sebastianvettel, tonystark and others

scuderiaferrari preseason testing has got charlos feeling like a couple, our engineers super sleepy, and seb stressed over driver/engineer shenanigans. also featuring our emotional support dog enzo woofstappen and our emotional support ferrari academy drivers. not pictured is tony and seb cuddling as christian horner watches with longing in his eyes (you wish that was you huh?)

tagged: carlossainz55, charles_leclerc, biancastark_potts, harleykeener, arthur_leclerc, sebastianvettel, olliebearman

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username why do you guys have an emotional support dog?

↳ scuderiaferrari the previous owners had these drivers traumatized. now the drivers are traumatizing seb. yes, the dog is named after enzo ferrari and max verstappen, we blame scott.

username enzo woofstappen is such an iconic name

maxverstappen1 i can't believe you people named a dog after me

danielricciardo I CALL GODFATHER!

↳ harleykeener YES! 100% TAKE HIM WITH YOU!

↳ biancastark_potts STOP GIVING MY DOG AWAY! I'M TELLING STEVE!

↳ scuderiaferrari WHO'S AMERICA'S ASS NOW? STEVE ROGERS OR LOGAN SARGEANT?

↳ username STEVE ROGERS, FORMER CAPTAIN AMERICA, IS CALLED AMERICA'S ASS?

↳ logansargeant i got nothing on steve rogers, i will gladly give up the title to him.

username POST MORE ENZO WOOFSTAPPEN CONTENT! HE'S OUR EMOTIONAL SUPPORT DOG NOW!

↳ scuderiaferrari i'm not allowed to spam post enzo pictures on here, go to my account!

carlossainz55 charles and i look like a couple of besties!

↳ landonorris you two are in love

↳ charles_leclerc you said you loved me? was it all a lie?

↳ carlossainz55 amor no. i love you.

↳ username loving this new ferrari. carlos and charles' friendship seems better now.

↳ harleykeener carlos calls charles honey 24/7. it's sickening.

christianhorner it was not longing. seb is still our golden boy, you people have chuck leclerc.

↳ scuderiaferrari you snooze you lose old man. he’s ours now.

↳ maxverstappen1 wow, your current world champion sure feels loved

liked by biancastark_potts, natasharomanoff, michellejones and others

peterbparker as demanded by one person, here's enzo woofstappen. he's never done a thing wrong in his life except that time he pissed on bucky and when he chased alpine, the cat, up a tree.

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samwilson he fucking chewed on my wings one time

↳ biancastark_potts maybe you shouldn't have left your wings out in the common area

clintbarton he shit in my shoes

↳ peterbparker you threatened to shave him. it was deserved.

steverogers he chewed my shoes. all of them.

↳ harleykeener he was bitter about the avengers civil war

alexalbon it seems roscoe has competition for cutest paddock pet

↳ lewishamilton roscoe wins. no doubt

↳ biancastark_potts i doubt it, enzo's clearly cuter.

↳ lewishamilton i bet no one's ever told a stark they were wrong, but you're wrong

username who's enzo favorite ferrari team member?

↳ peterbparker charles, but only because he gives him extra treats!

↳ charles_leclerc I DO NOT!

↳ biancastark_potts that's something a guilty man would argue.

username who's alpine the cat?

↳ peterbparker enzo's mortal enemy and bucky's adopted cat. REMEMBER ADOPT DON'T SHOP!

↳ username was enzo adopted?

↳ biancastark_potts he was a gift from a friend. his dog had puppies and he gave me one

bianca stark-potts posted a new story

team bonding but everyone seems to be on their phones???

the new ferrari team sat in a meeting room, both drivers feeling like they were about to be scolded. peter felt like he had been called into the principal's office, which was a feeling he hated.

"why are we here?" harley questioned tony. both drivers turned to look at the younger boy, if he didn't know why they were here then bianca didn't either, meaning they could be getting in trouble.

noticing their tense faces tony chuckled, "you're not in trouble, all of you can calm down."

"oh thank god," peter whispered, "i thought i was in trouble for that america's ass comment."

"oh, you are," tony replied, "but that's for a different day. we're here for a completely different reason."

"and that is?" sebastian questioned, "don't tell me you're firing us already."

"you're kidding," tony muttered, "this is the best performance i've seen from a ferrari in years, the car that is, not the drivers. i'm making a few changes," tony gestured to his daughter, "bianca, if you would please."

"he's being lazy," bianca joked as she stood up, "he wants to throw the 1st and 2nd driver rule out the window. the first race is coming up in less than a week, so what we propose is letting you two battle it out until miami, by that point whoever has the most points will lead in the championship and the other will defend. the next year we rotate and so forth. questions?"

"would it be before or after the miami grand prix?" charles questioned.

"after," bianca answered, "it gives us enough time to gather data and study it. the rule is only implemented if you two agree, otherwise we keep going as is."

"i think it works," sebastian said, breaking the silence, "it also guarantees both of you on the podium or at least one of you every race."

“and if we don’t agree?” carlos questioned.

“then we continue as is, charles as 1st and you as 2nd,” bianca answered, “we know it’s asking for a lot, one of you has to give up the championship for the other. the car is good, we know it can beat red bull, you both have a contract extension until 2025, by that time both of you could be world champions.”

“it is a good offer,” charles reasoned with carlos, “the car is good for both of us, it gives us equal opportunity.”

“and if we are tied when we get to miami?” carlos asked, clearly the spaniard would be the harder one of duo to convince.

“we push it until one of you gets ahead,” tony answered, “however long it takes, but mark my words, one of you will be world champion by the end of the season.”

“i will do it,” charles agreed. everyone turned to look at carlos and the spaniard nodded, “me too.”

tony clapped his hands, “well boys, let’s get that championship back to maranello, one way or another.”

taglist: @celesteblack08 @be-your-coffee-pot

¡leclerc-s speaks! would this strategy ever work out irl? no fucking way but that's the beauty of fanfiction anything and everything can work out as long as you write it the right way. so, the question is, who should get the championship first charles or carlos? i'm leaning towards charles because he won monza in 2019, and carlos hasn't achieved that yet. i also am a charles girl, incase that wasn't yet obvious. so, answer the poll below and tell me who you guys think should win the championship first. let me know if you guys want to be added to the taglist.

¡disclaimer! this is in no way making assumptions about the people involved in this story, this is all fake. it is a fanfiction please don't take any of what is said seriously. this is all for entertainment purposes and as a creative outlet for me. enjoy!

[muder-boner]

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⬆︎ made by : @rainydayzxd , my beautiful child and best friend

Tws for my blog : mention of $h, mentions of fighting , a lot of venting bcuz I hate my life, cigarettes, uh strict parents and they're shitty asf, past shit that still haunts me, swearing, sometimes me being hard on myself, I do not post $h pics.

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TW FOR UNDER READ-THINGY, GIFS, WEIRD GORE BAND NAMES, also I'm sorry if the colors above r triggerringg, I'm coloring so it's noticeable (the tws)

...tw, please don't tell me I didn't warn u.

Fucking welcome !! Have a drink 🤘

This profile ain't a vent one even though most of the time I complain and whine on here, I'm actually really nice if you interact with me, ask @rainydayzxd . (They're my child and my baby I'll protect them at all costs) I often pet regress, so like..please don't be weird. Only *REALLY* close moots can call me pup,..( @agirlfr0msomewhere @rainydayzxd @raytorosguitarstrap @s1l4s-w0rsh1ps-t0m4t03s @jordanikeepforgettingtheurl... if anyone else calls me pup and I don't trust them...like..tell them.).

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Hallo !! I'm looking 4 friendz, here iz my info dump

My name is Ezra !! Ftm dude and I go by he him

I'm Romanian , yet idk shit abt Romania, or do the whole "tradition" thing,

I am currently a caregiver, if you're looking for some kind of comfort, feel free to ask! (Caregiver for Jordan !! ):3

Spacehey: https://spacehey.com/hazyeyesez

➤ Music Genre

➤ Emo rock, Death Metal, Nu metal, Goregrind, Sometimes metal core, Power Metal, Glam metal, Black Metal yesssrrrrriririr(Yes I'm a metal head)

➤ Artists and Bands

KoRn , Green Day , Weezer, Tokio Hotel, Mitski, Eminem, Esophagus, Steve Gabry, Your Favorite Martian, The Smiths, Epic Rap Battles Of History, Pink Floyd, BabyMetal, Gorillaz, The Strokes, LMFAO, Arctic Monkeys, JT Music, IC3SPEAK, My Chemical Romance, Metallica, Anal Vomit, System of a down, Slayer, Slave steel, Mortician, Slipknot, The Anxiety, Darkthrone, Burzum, BABYMETAL.

Here's my playlist! There's more than 100 songs that only show, uh, yeah.

Trigger warning, weird gore names.

➤ Fandoms : Call Of Duty, Cry Of Fear, My Little Pony, The Walking Dead, Shameless, Deathgasm, Sally face, Err can't really thing of anything else man.

➤ Moviez : Fight club, The virgin suicides, FNAF Movie, The Mario movie, Coraline, Studio Ghibli movies, Deathgasm , All Fred Figglehorn movies, Dinner in America.

➤ Fave colorz : Green , a lot of green,red and of course, the best shade ever, Black

➤ Favorite pony from main 6 : applejack

➤ Favorite pony from all series: BIGMAC💗💗

➤ Favorite sanrio : pompompurin he's so me

➤ Favorite Twd character : Carl (i cosplay him!!!) And / or Beth (and many more lol!!)

➤ Favorite Sally face character : Travis Phelps (he's so relatable) (yes I have daddy issues)

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LOVE MY OTHER MOOTS 2!!!

DNI: - homophobia, racism, sexism, anti furry, anti therian, over 20 , people who want donations, I don't have money, plus I have nothing to do to help. all bad stuff etc. I BLOCK FREELY.

Everyone else is welcome !!<3

I like to think that I'm kind and caring,i love taking care of people, so yes slide in my DMS if u're lonely,im always down to make new moots and friends on here !

➤ My tags !! :

Ezras' food !! ➥ what I ate

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Ezras' outfit !! ➥ what I'm wearing that day

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I might add more in the future !!

Also have tags like "Silas tag !!" Where it's a post or a reblog of my friend or moot !!

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Recently started playing guitar ! fucking metal yes yes

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Oc blogs :

RirI Austerlitz: @cannibal-unicorn-ssssss

2025 new years resolutions

- kiss my girlfriend everyday for the whole year

- get a binder

- get better at making comics writing storie

- get better at guitar

- get slimmer (belly and thighs)

- decorate room

- finish my battle vest

- get rid of acne

- get better at school

- cherish my gf a lot

[abiiors]

silent treatment 💫 // ross macdonald x reader

a/n: this is not a christmas fic, this is just something that i had in my drafts for like a month now because @the1975attheirverybest sent me a photo of ross' tour bus (the one in the banner) from when she went to the baltimore show and of course i had nasty ideas about it lmao. so yes, here we go--the tour bus fucking fic hehe. i'm still really struggling with writer's block and hate everything i have been writing so this might be a bit shit :/ cw: brat-taming kinda, smut obv, dirty talk??? general nasty behaviour wc: 2.2k

american fans are loud. 

well, all fans are loud; it’s not really a bad thing to be, but the american ones are especially loud, you’ve noticed. cheers and shouts and whoops of joy at the airport, and a collective roar that tears through the crowd every time the boys come on stage—it’s all part of the world. his world. your world. 

girls shriek and cry wherever he goes, hugging him—their bodies pressed against his, their hands holding his, boldly flirting with him too sometimes. sure, he ignores it and only smiles politely. sure, he only signs their stuff and indulges them for selfies but the burn in your chest remains just the same. dull but prominent. 

all in all, he likes america and america likes him. you? maybe not so much. 

still, it’s not all hate. it’s fun being on the tour bus and driving through the big wide expanses of the midwest, certainly fun when his hand is buried between your legs and the other muffling your moans. fun to watch your nails digging into his thigh as you chase the high over and over again before falling limp against his chest. 

today, however, you skew more towards annoyance. 

he’s been so busy, he hasn’t even had the time to look at you properly much less talk to you for longer than ten minutes—what with having to leave one city and go to the other immediately. it’s been hectic and he’s seized the chance to nap whenever he can, just like polly and john who share the bus with you. not that you blame him for it—the exact opposite of it, in fact—you’re grateful for any rest he can get. 

but the brattiness rears its ugly head sometimes. and now as you stand there in a corner, watching the instruments being taken out of their truck and brought backstage, you can’t help but bite angrily on the lollipop in your mouth. 

ross is on the phone across the room, talking to a friend or a colleague or maybe even family. you don’t know. what you do know is his eyes are trained on you and you alone—rather, on your lips closed around the lollipop, on the sticky residue on your lips. your eyes in turn move to his hand—the one gripping the phone in a vice-like grip, knuckles almost white. 

it only takes him another ten seconds to end the call and cross the room. and now here he is—towering over you, looking down at you. 

“what’s up with you?”

you shrug, tongue flat against the sweet candy, “nothing.”

“nothing?” his voice is low. mostly to conceal it from the people all around you but also full of warning. so you’ve irked him then… good.

you choose not to answer, giving the lollipop a small lick instead. there’s barely any left now but you plan to enjoy every last bit of it. 

“what, don’t wanna talk to me now?”

“me?” you ask, exaggerating the confusion in your voice. testing the boundaries. 

“yes, you,” his eyes flash a little, “don’t act like you don’t know what i’m talking about.”

it’s a dangerous game to play with him, especially the way his pupils dialate every time you swirl your tongue around the last bit of the candy, relishing it thoroughly and letting its sweetness linger on your lips. 

ross leans down, mouth directly next to your ear. “you can be a brat all you want, sweet girl. as long as you’re ready for the consequences.”

and before you’ve had the chance to reply, he bends down and closes his mouth around the rest of the lollipop. a loud crunch cuts through the silence. he straightens, smiles like nothing’s out of the ordinary and leaves you holding the now empty white stick.

ross is busy talking to the organisers of a local artists’ collective. 

he laughs and chats animatedly and listens to them talking about how much they value this opportunity that the band has created. their voices are loud and boisterous—happy, giddy, excited. a complete contrast to you sulking in the corner, scrolling through tiktok and watching one pointless video after another. 

his eyes flick to you once in while, linger on you when matty takes over the conversation. you see the warning in them so clearly. don’t be a baby. don’t pout. but you ignore and double down. if he doesn’t want to give you attention then you’re not going to beg for it. no matter how much you want to pull him into some broom closet and show him exactly what he’s missing. 

you cross and uncross your legs and send him a look. 

look what you to do me. 

he sends one back. 

busy. not now.

so you go back to your phone. scroll, a makeup tutorial, scroll, ten must buy amazon things, scroll, movies to watch this winter, scroll— a snap of his fingers breaks through your monotony. 

“come share a fag with me.”

you take your sweet time looking and him an deciding if you’re in the mood to smoke, even go so far as to make him ask again. 

“well?”

“sure.”

it’s quieter once you’re outside. there’s still the sounds of traffic and a bit of laughter floating out from the inside. somewhere someone’s playing a familiar tune and you watch ross light his cigarette. the fire casts a warm glow on his jaw briefly, on his stubble that’s coming in once again after shaving it off for halloween. 

the skin on the inside of your thighs stings from the memory. 

“open,” he says and you obey, letting him stick the end of the cigarette between your lips and taking a drag. the smoke burns but with some satisfaction you see the lipstick smudge you left behind. 

ross is just taking his own drag when you blow the smoke on his face and shrug when quirks an eyebrow. 

“generous of you to take five minutes out of your busy schedule.”

“careful, love,” he warns and lets you take another drag of the cigarette. “don’t be a brat. you know i’m busy.”

“you’re always busy.”

“is that so?” 

he looks amused and it riles you up even more. he’s the one that’s supposed to be affected, not you! a beat of silence passes and ross slowly drags his fingers up your arms leaving goosebumps in their wake. 

“my gorgeous girl,” he says and presses a kiss to your shoulder, moving his mouth to your jaw and then to your collarbone. “are you mad at me?”

“no.”

“no?”

you fight to contain the shiver that passes through you. even when you can feel the little tingles intensifying throughout your body. need swirls through your stomach the more his mouth moves on your neck.

“then what’s this silent treatment for, huh?”

“what silent treatment?”

“oh, baby,” ross tuts and his stubble grazes over the sensitive skin of your neck. “you really wanna play dumb?”

every retort flies out of your brain when he grabs a hold of your hips and pulls you close to him. 

“you know what happens to dumb little bunnies, right?”

“y-yes.” it’s almost a whimper that quickly turns into a half moan when his hand rests on the back of your thighs, trailing up and up and up until it’s almost on the curve of your ass. 

you yelp when he pinches the skin. 

“you want to be fucked that bad, huh?”

and now you finally have him where you want. 

“so now you want to be loud,” ross mocks and dives back under your dress. 

this torture has lasted for a good ten minutes now. the insides of your thighs already feel raw and chafed. and he hasn’t even properly started yet. he’s still busy marking up the smooth skin of your legs. 

“always a good girl when you want something from me, aren’t you?”

you nod fervently, trying to stifle the mewl that’s about to leave your mouth. instead you clutch his head and try to push him where you want. ross is quicker. before you ever know it, his hand it wrapped around your wrists and he pulls back again, looking at you with yet another warning glare. 

his hair is a mess, his mouth wet from leaving all those kiss and bites on your skin but it’s his eyes that really get you—pupils blown out so wide that his eyes might as well be black. 

“please ross, please,” you whine, shamless and desperate and dying for his mouth to be back on you. 

“please what?”

“please make me cum.”

your pout has stopped affecting him a long time ago, even when you look at him with teary eyes and spread your legs wider. the underwear was discarded somewhere the minute you got inside the tour bus and now he has the perfect view of how wet you are. how ready for him. 

the inside of the bus feels uncomfortably hot or maybe it’s just your skin that’s sticky and sweaty and in desperate need of his touch. 

“no silent treatment anymore?”

“no,” you shake your head, “gonna be a good girl now. please please please.”

“yes, you are.” ross smiles and it feels more sinister than genuine. “i’ll stop what i’m doing if i hear another sound from you, baby.”

“w-what?”

“dumb little slut,” he mocks again, mouth so so close to your clit that it’s impossible to focus on anything else. “don’t want people to walk in on us, do you?”

“no. no!”

“then be quiet for me.”

easy for him to say. because his lips attach around your clit at that exact moment and you bite down on the back of your hand to stop the loud moan from escaping. 

“ungrateful, spoiled little brat,” ross tuts, presses his tongue flat against your opening. “look at you now.”

the heady mix of big and small licks makes your head spin, makes you want to cry out his name over and over again but for the sake of your sanity you stay quiet. for each small whimper that still manages to escape you, you feel a small sting on your thigh—a nip or a bite.

“my sweet, filthy girl,” he coos, ghosting his lips over each bruise, each bite and goes back to torturing your cunt. 

“ross, can i–oh! can i cum, please!”

“gonna cum for me, already?” he teases and pulls away entirely. “and what if i said no.”

the look you give him is one full of desperation—tears gathered on your lower lashline, bottom lip swollen and red from bitting hard to keep quiet.

“please!”

“no.”

and that’s that, just like that his head is back between your legs, tongue hot on your cunt as his nose pushed into your clit. between trying to stay quiet and trying not to cum you barely have any grip on reality. all you know is how it feels too much, too much pleasure, bordering on pain now. the urge to let go is too strong. 

“let me ask you again, baby,” his voice comes through the haze in your mind. barely even audible. “are you done with the silent treatment?”

“y-yes, m’sorry!” you whine, “won’t do it again. wont—”

“look at you…” his condescending tone somehow turns you on even more. the humiliation somehow adds to the pleasure. “ready to be my good girl again?”

“yes, yes!” the buzzing in your ears is so loud now, his voice barely even comes through. all you know is the feeling of his tongue inside you and the stinging of your thighs. the sticky sweat on your skin. 

your legs shake from the strain of denying yourself an orgasm, your head swims with too much of everything and nothing all at once. 

“go on then,” he speaks. finally. “you can let go now.”

all you manage is a long whine and every single restraint drops. you think you grip his head between your thighs, practically convulsing from the force of the orgasm that hits you, trembling from the way his tongue laps everything up. it’s beyond you how he manages to hold you upright. 

you think you scream out his name, practically alerting everyone in a five kilometre radius. you think you pull on his hair and hear him hiss. but ross lets you. 

minutes later when he finally stands, his beard and mouth glistens with slick. 

“there’s my good girl,” he coos and holds you in his arms. 

“look at me,” he coaxes a bit until you manage to open your eyes and look at him properly. despite how fucked he looks, there’s a sweet smile on his face. and his eyes soften when you meet his gaze. “sorry i ignored you before, love. don’t be mad at me.”

“m’not mad at you.” you mumble and every single negative emotion from before melts away within seconds. 

“good.” his smile widens, just a touch of mischievous once again. “now that you’ve learned your lesson… let me make it up to you.” 

and just like that, he’s back on his knees, diving between your legs once again. 

reblogs and comments are always appreciated <33

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[osidius-el-enfatico]

NICO'S SO YOU WANNA READ SOMETHING OTHER THAN MARVEL AND DC

hello everybody, I'm Nico, you might know me from being a fucking hater and a gross nerd and I'm here to tell you that you don't have to be whipped around by the big 2, there's a world of good shit out there, we can go find it together. come, take my hand.

The ones everyone will tell you about

these are the ones you are supposed to read, even if you mainly read big 2 stuff.

go on, read Hellboy (here's a reading order list, it gets dicey but I believe in you). go on, read saga. go on, read blacksad. go on, read something is killing the children. go on, read Locke and key

ok, with these out of the way, let's begin

so you want to read super hero type stuff

1. black hammer by Jeff lemire et al.

in the past, black hammer (the greatest supper hero) and six superheroes of his team save the city but in the process get sucked into a parallel dimension, in the 10 years since they have tried everything to go back to their world without much success, but there's still superheroing to do.

2. minor threats by Patton oswalt et al.

one of the biggest villains in the city murders the robin analogue in this world. which causes the heroes to go hog wild and turn everything into a police state. in the middle of it all, the small time villains who just want to rob a store or turn dogs into cats or whatever are caught in the line of fire of a fight way above their pay grade.

3. America's got powers by Johnathan Ross and Bryan hitch

18 years ago an alien crystal of unknown origin fell from the sky in San Francisco, at that same moment every pregnant woman in the city gave birth to a superpowered child. today, all of the babies are used as gladiators in a reality show that can bring them fame and fortune or death. the only kid to be born that day without superpowers is thrust all the same into the arena to fend for himself.

4. buzzkill by Donny cates and mark reznicek

imagine you're the biggest superhero there is, but to get each of your individual super powers you had to consume a different drug everytime you wanted to use it. imagine that this breaks every single relationship you have and you want to go clean. imagine also that the city still needs you. what is your obligation to your city over yourself?

the first two titles are more akin to big 2 comics with an expansive universe and several smaller titles to accompany the main one.

so you want to read a little freak

1. bone by Jeff Smith

go read bone. do it now. phoney bone gets expelled from his natal city from his latest scheme to get rich. in the process he drags out of the city his cousins smiley bone and fone bone, our hero. in the process of escaping the three get separated and each one gets into his own adventures that unfold a dark tale in the valley they end up on. a dark fantasy comedy for all ages

2. good bye, chunky rice by Craig thompson

a small turtle leaves his home and his friends because he feels he has done all he can in this particular stage of his life. he explores love and loss throughout his trip

3. Krazy Kat by George herriman

this is one of the most influential newspaper strips of the early 20th century. Krazy is a cat in love with ignatz the mouse who fucking hates him. krazy's biggest want in life is to get his love reciprocated, ignatz just wants to throw bricks at krazy's head

so you want to bawl your eyes out

1. primordial by Jeff lemire and Andrea Sorrentino.

one of the scientists in charge of the Laika space launch is convinced she is still up there somewhere and is adamant to get her back. at the same time the last launch with monkey is going into space. on one side we see the scientists working and dealing with the ethical ramifications of their work, on the other we see the critters and their limited sentience of what is happening.

2. the lil depressed boy by Isabel struble and Sina grace

the lil depressed boy (or ldb as everyone calls him) is a sack boy like the one in little big planet, but one who is a fucking nerd and likes indie music and bowling, he navigates through life without direction, finding temporary relief in one thing or another, but ultimately a lost soul just doing whatever he can to stay afloat. you will find this under the author's deadname, but after her transition Isabel seems to have shed the veil that made this autobiographical story happen. good-for-her.gif

3. essex county by jeff lemire

this is a trilogy of books based around the area in which jeff lemire grew up in with only a geographical connection uniting them. a young boy has his whole world turned upside down with no one to guide him through it. a pair of brothers who did everything together grow apart and end up hating each other in adulthood. a rural nurse reckons with how she can only do so much for the people that depend on her. this was also adapted for canadian tv but i really havent seen it yet, so i dont know how that went

so you want to read about important stuff

1. Maus by art spielgman

this probably should have gone in the first part of things everyone tells you to read but I'd be remiss not mentioning it directly. it is the only comic to win a Pulitzer, art spielgman tells us how his father tells him his story during the Holocaust. it is harrowing, raw, and gruesome. but it still retains a glimmer of better things, art's father is funny in his relationship with art which give you little respites to all the shit going on

2. march by John Lewis with Andrew Aydin and Nate Powell

yes, the John Lewis who marched next to Martin Luther king. this is his autobiographical account of the civil rights movement in the 60s. it is insightful but raw. still feeling it all in the present day.

3. Vaincus mais vivants. chile 1973 by Maximilien leroy

I hate french people but they're good at this comic book shit. this Tells the tale of commandante Carmen and commandante Miguel, heads of the MIR (movimiento de izquierda revolucionaria-revolutionary leftist movement) before and during the USA backed coup in Chile in 1973. how they had worked before it went down, and how they hid to try to survive the persecution.

4. footnotes in Gaza by Joe sacco

Joe sacco is a journalist who does comics on the side. in this stand out he tries to tell the story of the Khan Yunis and rafah massacres in 1956 through interviews with palestinians alive at the time, while interweaving the current (to 2003) situation in rafah. another account of the monster that is Israel and the resilience of the Palestinian people.

so you want to laugh

1. the tick by Ben endlund

you have seen the cartoon. the tick is a dumbass who is also the biggest hero in naked city. go read this shit, just pick up whatever volume you find, continuity isn't really a thing here

2. imagine agents by Brian Joines and bachan

this is basically men in black but instead of aliens they have to control and keep the people from knowing about the reality of imaginary friends kids abandon and how they can get out of control. it's so stupid

so you want to read a western

1. east of west by Jonathan hickman and Nick dragotta

much like in reality, the USA is a dystopian land but in this book there's also science fiction. and the only begins that can save that shit hole are the four horsemen of the apocalypse.

2. Shaolin cowboy by Geoff Darrow

like east of west, this mixes science fiction with western. but this is pretty simple. he's a Shaolin monk who is also a cowboy, and he has to get out of situations. one time it was a flying shark, another one it was zombies. and so on and so forth *zizek voice*

3. six gun gorilla by Simon spurrier and Jeff stokely

in a world colonized in the future after earth was ran dry of respurces by greed, one single gunslinger tries to bring order to the land. he happens to be a biologically enhanced gorilla

so you want to get experimental

jimmy corrigan: the smartest kid on earth by chris ware

simply put, this shit is the house of leaves of comics. some dude get the opportunity to meet his dad for the first time at the age of 36. its simple enough but this takes you for a visual ride.

2. asterios polyp by david mazzuchelli

again, this story is simple enough. a professor gets his house torched by thunder and escapes the city to star anew somewhere else. but you get the story told by people who dont exist, jumping between past and present.

3. almost silent by jason

jason's stories are pantomime. his anthropomorphic characters dont emote too much, but you can feel them. this collection of stories focuses on his stories that have almost no dialogue at all.

so you want gays

are you listening? by tillie walden

this isnt a love story. but it is a story of connection and deep understanding, of someone else and yourself. theres also a magical cat in it.

2. laura dean keeps breaking up with me by mariko tamaki and rosemary valero-o'connell

laura dean is the protagonist's on again, off again girlfriend. she is also a cunt. freddy keeps distancing herself from her circle due to laura's games and manipulation. but she has to learn how to keep herself afloat in this vortex.

shit you need to read because its important to the art form

a contract with god by will eisner

this is the originator of the term graphic novel. its a triology of stories which are in the vein of a lot of eisner's comics, simple pictures of life in a jewish neighborhood in new york. but told with such mastery of the craft that they pull you in like nothing else.

2. calvin & hobbes by bill watterson

yeah, yeah. i know. you know calvin and hobbes. you love calvin and hobbes. go read the whole thing from start to finish tho, go do it right now.

3. hicksville by dylan horrocks

this is universailly described as a love letter to comics as a medium. it tells you a biographical account of dylan horrocks life. it also tells you a biographical account of sam zabel, a character of horrock's that appears in much of his ouvre. it also tells you a story of intrigue and mystery surrounding the biggest comic creator in the world, dick burger (yeah, thats his name). it is also my favorite comic.

list of good shit that i couldnt fit into a theme and im also bored of this now so heres just a loooong list

the many deaths of laila starr by ram v and filipe andrade

judas by jeff loveness and jakub rebelka

the loneliness of the long distance cartoonist by adrian tomine

un homme est mort by etienne davodeau and kris

el hombre que vino del cielo by infame & co.

box office poison by alex robinson

fishflies by jeff lemire

andre the giant. life and legend by box carr

le retorneur by freederik peeters

elks run by joshua hale fialkov and noel tuazon

just so happens by fumio obata

ody-c by matt fraction and chris ward

trenches by scott mills